As soon as I explained the situation (see below post) to Dr. Brain she agreed that we needed to plan this if I wanted to avoid having it happen out of control. Planning it also allows things like an enhanced chance of admission to that particular area, and hopefully in the controlled environment I can actually start the Emsam while still taking a tiny bit of the current antidepressant, so that I don't have to totally bottom out.
At first she asked if I wanted to be hospitalized and I said I thought it likely but didn't want to commit to it. But as we talked it was clear she wants me there.
It's also a longer process than I'd hoped. I don't get to come off the antidepressant cold-turkey, which I'd hoped but not expected. In fact, I'm going to make the first taper later this week. And it will take a bit to work, so I need to be off work for 2 weeks. That is bad because this job doesn't include paid vacation, so that is 2 weeks without income. I won't exactly be spending much, at least much that won't come as a hospital bill, but I'll need to be saving every possible penny from now until then.
Knowing I'll be in the hospital is both good and bad. It's good because I can plan ahead for things like care for my cats, the need to have clothes I'm comfortable with that meet safety restrictions (including some kind of shoe or slipper without ties; I'm going to get slippers since mine are totally worn out, but it's something that preparation is a good thing.) It's bad because that is a long time to think about it. If only I could just see pictures it would help, but there aren't any. She described it, so I have an idea what it will be like, but I didn't think of some questions that are important to me, things like since it is a tiny unit are there still semi-private rooms or will I get to be alone; can I bring my weighted blanket so I have a ghost of a chance at sleep; can I bring my own toiletries; and who knows what else. I didn't even think to ask if I can be admitted on Saturday to get it over with ASAP. She's probably going to be sorry I have her email address.........
At least this can pretty well ensure I don't run out of things I'm afraid of to discuss with Dr. Mind anytime in the near future.