Several months ago I thought about closing this blog. There were very few hits and even fewer returning readers. I felt like people didn't bother reading after I wasn't so sick and there was less drama.
Then I was fired. Drama. And my hits went way, way up the whole time I was off. I also figured out that if someone reads the blog in a reader I don't know about it, so that means my numbers might be a little more depressing than I thought. I also realized that I need this blog. Not because I want people to read necessarily, but because it is something I use as a way to fill the gaps in my memory when I'm not well. It also lets me have a record of what I've been through. Since I don't remember much of the last 15 years, anything that gives me clues helps.
But......I'm working again. And there are suddenly a lot less hits. Something like less than half of what I was getting. And while I'm not going to stop writing because this really is more for me than you, (and thank you nasty anonymous commenter for letting me really understand that), I do want to understand. What is missing when my life isn't falling apart? What would make me interesting the rest of the time? I'm not going to seek out drama. I like it when things stay calm in my life; I've had little of that. But it also feels weird that people only seem to want to read about the bad things. Is that really true?