Asking for Help

Funny, a few years ago I was incapable of asking for help. Now it seems to be so much of what I do. A few years ago I literally had to be prodded each time I had a medication question. Now I email my doctor at least weekly. It's not necessarily easy, and I still feel really guilty sometimes that I need so much of her help (in fact she once admitted that my chart doesn't even get filed because there's so much communication and change), but I've accepted it.

Today I asked for help in a new way. With much, much encouragement from the psychologist I contacted the department of vocational rehabilitation and applied for services. I'm hoping that they will be able to provide me with a few modifications and suggestions to make working a little less like being a perpetual motion machine just so I can keep up, and so that I can have enough time to adequately think through my decisions. I'm hoping that I'l eventually leave work and not feel like my head is about to explode.

Filling out the application seems weird. I'm not the typical candidate and it felt like there was such an odd contrast between the help I was asking for and some of the other information, like education and source of income. It's hard to admit that I think in stereotypes, but I do I guess. It just seems like this sort of thing isn't for someone with a master's degree. Yet truthfully in some ways I need it more, as I have very high educational loans to pay off and without help I don't know how long I can maintain a high paying job. Nonetheless, it's weird to learn that I think this way.

Another thing that is weird is that when I was in graduate school everyone seemed to think we needed to tour vocational rehab. So two or three times we were dragged on this tour. I HATED it. Both classes I remember doing this in were specializations I knew I'd never have anything to do with. I guess this is more proof of never say never..