Several things

1) Sarah B. asked for links related to sensory integration. I'll look for some good ones. I haven't been on much of a search of it for a long time but I do know there are good ones. Not sure if any relates to bipolar. I certainly haven't heard of a lot of people doing it with mental illness, and the main reason I did was because I knew it would help me (why I didn't do it for myself for years is another story).

2) Another thing I have recently purchased that is helping me is a daylight simulator. This is a gadget that hooks to a lamp and is set to cause a sunrise at the time it would occur in the summer. Mine also can be programmed to do sunsets, and that is actually better for me as it helps me fall asleep much quicker than ever before. You can vary how long the sunrise/sunset lasts, and mine also gives a lot of options as a clock, nightlight, reading lamp, etc. I am not waking like I probably would if I weren't so sedated on depakote every night, but I also drag a lot less than in previous winters in the mornings. This too was worth what I paid. Mine came from http://www.truesun.com and is the Morning Sunrise Alarm Clock.

3) I am doing really, really well. So well that I am whispering this. So well I'm not sure how long ago I felt so good but it was probably over 2 years ago. And nobody else is finding me manic, or if they are they aren't speaking up. I always react to these precious times with fear that it will end too soon, and anger because I know that reaction just sets up a fall and prevents me from fully enjoying feeling good. This time I am literally afraid to breathe too deeply. I see things that aren't perfect yet in my recovery from being so ill (like getting frustrated very easily) and they freak me out, but really, right now is a good time.

4) I'm a little freaked out from my counseling appointment this week. It was very different than usual and some topics that are on my list of things I try to hide from were discussed, probably more than I've ever discussed them. I'm thinking hard and so may not have a lot to say here for a couple days, as it's not stuff I really want to go into here at this point. There are some parts of this illness I live with and know how to live with, and I know that it is because of the illness, and yet I will never get past the embarrassment and desire to hide it. Right now I must recover because horror of horrors, I spoke of what-is-not-to-be-mentioned. I also had a good conversation about what I want in my more unusual role of being a patient yet also being a professional. It's hard, because I expect those who treat me to respect that I have knowledge. But I also need to be a patient. I need to be treated as if I'm going to make bad judgments and not know how manic I am or that I am endangering myself. Yet I can't say I really enjoy that.....But in dealing with all the things that went wrong in the last 18 months, one of them is that I did not listen to people I pay to tell me when I'm not ok. That was a big mistake.

5)I'm falling asleep at the computer so if there was anything else it will be in a later post. Good night!