Feeling Quiet

I haven't been feeling like writing a ton lately and my hits are down, so I guess everyone is feeling like quiet time right now.

I'm actually doing well. In many ways I'm in a pretty "normal" period and since I was sure that would never happen again I'm very appreciative.

I'm frustrated though how easily things affect me still. I'm dealing with some insurance issues that scare me and am very stressed about it, even though I know my new insurance starts Monday and this should be pretty minimal. Unhappy interactions stress me out beyond belief. I'm still in that transitional stage of not really knowing what my pay with my new job will be like, and that's scary too. My doctor changed from private practice to a huge hospital, and seems to have not followed through with the appointment she was supposed to schedule for me. I can't get her to respond and calling there was frustrating as they acted like I was stupid to have listened that she would schedule it. That's after a lot of time on hold, impatience in their voices', etc. And of course she didn't call back. That message is probably marked such low priority she'll see it sometime next century. Nonetheless, I'm FREAKING OUT about this. I have a long history of falling apart without seeing her regularly, and I need an appointment sometime before next spring. At this point I don't know if I could get her staff to communicate anything to her or even get a refill request through since I'm not a patient of the hospital. I do not matter....Not good in my situation. And I have no idea if her old email works or not; she hasn't responded to it since her move.

I hate when I get like this. I know I'm being negative and making it worse. I know this is the edge of some depression and that I can talk myself straight into it. But it gets so hard. I need more ativan probably but then I sleep too much.

I think someday I will quit therapy and design meds that work exactly as much as needed and not one drop more....:)