I sincerely hope this is just a one time deal (really two time), but this morning I felt nauseous. I went ahead and ignored it and felt better by the time I was mostly ready, but as I brushed my teeth I suddenly threw up in the sink (projectile vomiting too, just to make it more special).
This is not good for several reasons. The most obvious is that vomiting just is awful. I'm an expert at it and it does not seem to become more fun with practice, although I will say I've got good aim after the last few years. The next is that when I was on it before the vomiting began exactly like this; morning nausea with vomiting the second I brushed my teeth. Ultimately this led to horrible problems with oral hygiene because all the kinds of toothpaste I had used were associate with vomiting, so I had to keep looking for odd flavors of toothpaste and just brush the best I could. After a while before I would gag/vomit with toothbrushing and then again during the morning. The last is, well, I don't WANT to throw up. And my stomach still isn't good, consistent with my previous experience.
I am trying to not think about it, because if I believe I'll get sick I will. I know that this was part of my problem the last time through Lamictal. But it's hard not to, when I knew from the outset that this was potentially the problem and that if it happened I would have wasted 5 weeks or more trialing something that didn't work out. At least with other meds it usually is fast.
And for all I know it's lithium. It's warmer and maybe I've not been drinking enough, although I've been pretty consistent I think. Or maybe it doesn't matter how much I drink and I'm going to be toxic again. Hard to know.
Regardless, I'm irritated. I'm irritated with not knowing, and I'm irritated with my body for not working right.
I NEED this to work. The last week has been so good, but it is a precarious balance with my depakote level not being as high as it should be. I've been on depakote far too long to not know that if I'm not at least at 120 I will cycle. I'm currently at 98. Lamictal and a few revelations chased this depression away, but it will be back sometime, and I need the meds to be working. I do not need to vomit.