I haven't talked much about this lately. For a while it just took a backseat to my problems. It also was something I was emotionally processing.
This Friday I go in and with my counselor will write my service plan. I have no real clue what this means; I read about it when I started with this thing, but that was so long ago I forget. I suppose I need to get that book back out.
The thing that is still hard is that I will be getting an occupational therapy evaluation next. Professionally I'm excited because I know it is the best possible step. The OT will follow me as I work and evaluate how I am doing, what is difficult, and how that can be improved. There are a number of people qualified to do this, but in my case an OT certainly makes the most sense. They were so respectful too; they found someone that is from far away so that I'll be highly unlikely to have professional contact with her. And she is someone well respected in the field.
However, emotionally this is challenging. Each step of this admitting I need help this is hard. But this part is a little harder......One of my greatest fears over the years has been that I would need OT to deal with my bipolar issues. I think it is because in my world, which has included the psychiatric world, using OT to handle psychiatric issues has indicated the issues were substantial. And I know mine are, so I have no idea why this bothers me. I have worked on this enough to finally agree that it is not a good enough reason for hospitalophobia. But it is much harder for me to need OT for this than it would be for an injury, and far more difficult than if it were PT for an injury. Nonetheless, the consent is signed.
The great irony now is that I am doing so well that I am going to see if I can hold off on the OT until I am more symptomatic. Right now I am not doing as well as is optimal, but it is about as good I'm I'm going to be, ever, so the results don't seem likely to be very accurate. Yet sometime soon I'll need them, badly. I have no idea what they'll do to resolve this.
Nonetheless, anxiety and being too well are not exactly the worst things ever.....