Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Moving on, Looking back

No more puking so I figured it was time to get a post up that did not focus on that. Instead I am looking back a little.

Last week I talked to my psychologist about how part of what is difficult is that I don't have a good context to apply to "the worst I've ever felt". I know that I've learned to define this differently a number of times over the years. I am pretty sure that how I felt the last 2 months is pretty comparable to what put me on disability 3 years ago and this time I did not miss one day of work. The thing is that a year ago this time I was very, very sick and I have almost no memory of it. There really isn't all that much I remember from early April until late June-early July. So he read me some of his notes to show me. They were kind of scary and I know that he was editing. I still don't remember more than I did really aside from now I've got those stories, and one thing he told me about I did remember that I was very angry at him over, but that's about it.

This week has a landmark in it. I went on disability on April 24 last year. For the next few weeks I fought to get back on meds, get to my real doses, and get levels drawn. To get levels drawn I had to go 5 days without throwing up. It was really hard but I did get the levels done on May 8. On May 9 I got a call from my psychiatrist telling me she knew why I had been so sick, that my lithium level was really high and my thyroid was no longer functioning. I made an appointment with my regular doctor to deal with the thryoid the next day and lowered my lithium dose per her instructions. It did not matter. That night I was so very sick. I thought I would die I threw up so much. I laid on the bathroom floor and cried and threw up so hard I wet my pants and laid in a puddle of pee because I was too sick to clean up. After hours of this I finally was able to crawl into bed, and after a few more hours I could tolerate tiny sips of water. My doctor saw me as an emergency at 8:15 and remarkably I wasn't seriously dehydrated. Nausea medicine, clear liquids, and several days without lithium finally helped.

It's not an anniversary I want to celebrate. But it certainly does put this year in better perspective.

1 comment:

Allan Showalter, MD said...

I've been following your blog for a while now and have been impressed (how could one not be impressed with a post that begins, "No more puking so I figured it was time to get a post up that did not focus on that?"), especially with your observations on patient compliance, my own special interest. For what it's worth, Master of Irony is the focus of my own post today, I Am Non-Compliant And It Sucks. Good luck with your efforts.