Big deal

Today is a huge accomplishment. As of tonight I've completed one year of employment after my 4 month disability leave. I went back to work one year ago not knowing if I could do it. I also knew that I would be very likely to need to change jobs. That part did happen, and dealing with that change also was not easy.

I remember that first week that I was asleep by 6 pm every night. Now I wish I could go to sleep that early, but I can handle full days.

So much changed this year though. This morning I woke up for my PT appointment and realized I could barely move I was so tired. I didn't sleep well, I didn't sleep well the night before, I was exhausted from a hefty workload. So I called and cancelled PT and went back to bed. It was supposed to just be for a little bit, but I must have slept through the alarm. So I wound up going in late, which I vastly needed.

A year ago I never would have cancelled PT. But I am so much more aware now that the decisions I make now affect more than just today, they affect how long I will be able to do this. I have finally accepted the likeliehood of a time I can't do this and felt how near that time was.

Now I get to make the most of my life, taking the good time one day at a time, yet maintaining my preparedness for days I'm too tired and the time I eventually will need to decide to pursue other avenues.

I wish I hadn't learned all this the hard way, but I am so glad to know it.