Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Saturday, June 21, 2008

About as I thought

I saw Dr. Brain today. It was hard. I was so much more anxious than usual, because I knew that I was going to leave with my remission gone and whether I liked it or not, this is a mixed episode. It's not bad compared to my past, which makes it confusing, but she finally said it was of moderate severity. She seemed uncertain of that, I assume there was some chance it was still mild, but it wound up qualifying as moderate.

Not that this means much. It can't when there are 4 qualifiers on the scale (mild, moderate, severe, with pscyhosis) and in my personal experience I've lived working for 2 solid years with a severe dx, but also been totally disabled by more severe than severe episodes.

I've got a couple med changes to try. The hard part is that in summer it's easy to trigger mania with changing things. But there is no choice. I've given this 6 weeks and it's not healing itself.

The one really good thing is that when asked about hearing things, etc. for once I had really good news. In the past few years summer manias have included hearing voices, especially in bed. I very rarely have ever had psychosis that I wasn't able to question myself or find someone to question until I knew whether it was real or not. But sometimes it is tricky, and it's occurred plenty when I'm waking, making it even harder. A few weeks ago I was in the basement at just the right place when the A/C, which is located directly outside my bedroom on the wall with my bed, came on. And my voices in the bedroom turn out to be the A/C unit (they sound much different in the basement).

So, I'm supposed to try new meds, keep a low profile for a couple weeks because hyperacuity is kicking in a bit, and of course, like always, rest.

For now though it's time to turn the computer off; we're gearing up for a big storm it looks like. Time to cuddle up with a book.

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