Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Monday, June 02, 2008

All that's happening

Time for one big post.

First, please know that I'm trying to write. I am so sad to see my numbers cut in half. However, right now is not the easiest time. I'm in my last week of probation at work; next week I'll officially find out if I keep my job. We've been ultra-busy; I don't even have time to get done stuff that I have to.

Second, physically I'm not feeling super. My thyroid needed adjusted yet again, and I ran out of medication while my doctor happened to be on vacation. The only solution was to take a lower dose than my prior normal and I just got the new dose today. So this week that should feel better. I also ran out of kidney meds and I now have a clear idea why I take them: I am drinking several gallons/day again and peeing constantly. It's annoying.

Third, and probably most importantly, I have been working very hard in counseling for several months on the preliminaries to trusting people. I've struggled beyond all explanation with even talking about some of the reasons I gave up on that, and how hurt I was in the past. For weeks I talked about various things and generalities. Last week, after a number of weeks of trying to be strong enough to really get into the painful part of this, I moved into a whole new realm with Dr. Mind. A realm where he has a chance to agree with all the things that have hurt me most. It's been very hard. I've been in therapy most of the last 15 years. There was another time, with another therapist, that hurt like this, but mostly this is about as hard as it gets for me. This takes away what remaining energy I have left after the thyroid mess.

And I'm stressed out because as of next week my pharmacy will be closing at 9. I can't explain why this bothers me so much, but it does. One more thing to have to remember, I guess.

So, who knows what the next post brings. Tomorrow is my meeting with my supervisor; hopefully there won't be anything making me run for the computer. Friday her supervisor, the one I now fear, may be down, and that's the thing I dread the most. But we'll deal with that then, I guess.

No comments: