Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Gonna be hard

Tuesday I go to turn in the stuff belonging to my company and retrieve the things belonging to me.  I am dreading this.  I know getting it over with is best, and Dr. Mind reminded me it would hurt a lot and cause unneeded hurting and anxiety if I wait as it won't get easier, but I don't want to.  This is the most concrete thing I will have done in the whole quitting process (writing the resignation was something that I managed to do while protecting myself with layers of concrete and the distance of email) but this time I have to see people and talk to people and put my stuff in a bag and walk away from my cubicle.  I probably have to cry in public and I'm sure I'll have to say some good-byes although I do not want to.

I just sorted through my bag that had forms and medical phone numbers and recourses and electrical stimulation pads and gadgets and the like.  It was what held my computer and it went everywhere with me.  When removed everything in the bag I found an enormous supply of feminine hygiene products that reminded me what I was going through last summer and I found a stack of business cards.  I promptly burst into tears.  I never had the cards before and really liked being able to give them out without having to write down a bunch of stuff.  I also felt official and professional with them.  And since I am not very likely to have a real job again and nobody will buy cards for someone working as sporadically as I will be when I get that far these will be the last I have, unless I make my own to feel better.  Which would probably not be worthwhile.

Regardless this plus one ugly nightmare last night have me in a crummy mood and I am afraid that this will be continuing through the next few days until this is over with.

I am so tired of things hurting.

1 comment:

Michal Ann said...

Jen, I hope today has afforded you some sabbath rest.

Thinking about cards: I'm going to have to design and order some at some point. I know Vista print is one possibility. They might even be available for free. You might consider having some made "just because." Might make you feel better. The only time I've ever had cards is during a 6 year term an an elected water and sewer commissioner. I took a turn as a public servant, "government of the people, by the people and for the people." Some people just have cards made so they can pass out their phone and email when they meet folks. "A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet." Mark Twain? Will Rogers?

Some food for your inner woman:

Psalm 61:3 WEB
For you have been a refuge for me,
a strong tower from the enemy.

Promise #43: I am your shelter and a place of safety from your enemies.

The New Living Translation Bible translates Psalm 61:3 this way... for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. (NLT) God is a safe place and a strong fortress where your enemies cannot reach you. I believe the more we can believe this, the more we will find peace and rest in our Father's arms.

If we struggle to believe that He will be a safe refuge for us, then we will likely spend most of our time trying to be a safe place for ourselves. Living a life trying to defend ourselves can be very exhausting. However, when we really see that God Himself is our shelter and a place of safety from all those who would want to hurt us, then we can take a deep breath and relax.

In Exodus 14:14 the Bible says... The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm. (NLT) If we can truly believe that we live in the secret place of the Most High, abiding under the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1) we can let down our guard because the wings of God Himself are our shield. May our God and Father give each one of us a deeper revelation of His protection and safety today.