I babysat today and once again it kicked my butt. I fell asleep at 7 and slept soundly for nearly 5 hours. I'm waiting on meds to finish working now and soon will be asleep again. Naturally I have some adorable stories but I'm going to save them for later since I'm mainly just trying to make my cat get in her bed and comfortable so I can go smear antidepressant gel in her ear and give her medication disguised as treats that are apparently as good as kitty crack.
I posted on facebook that I don't need meds, I need a toddler. My brother teased that he'd like another niece/nephew and I should work on that. Those are jokes I hate. What am I supposed to say: Not passing on bipolar genes but even if I were willing to do that God did not create me to have a baby without help? I'm sure my brother doesn't have a clue that I have malfunctions in that system because I have never found the time to talk to my brother about ovulation. I know he wouldn't hurt me for the world. One of the things I resent about my hopefully soon-to-be SIL is that I know my brother wanted a baby and she did.not. and all things (it seemed) were her decision. They did concieve apparently and lost the baby.
I just wish people never made that kind of comment. I never have any idea what to say. "haha, that would be a miracle since I don't ovulate?" "uh, get right on that" (making me nauseous) "only if you pay for donor sperm and the necessary treatments AND take responsiblity for everything in my life and me when the hormones flip me out. Before my surgery when I knew that it was likely they'd find something that meant I wasn't likely to have children and was hurting about that Dr. Brain made sure that I knew that since my best chance would be very soon after surgery that if I wanted children she would support that decision although it would be a hard one for me. It was easy to say no way, that I didn't want to go through all that it would take and that I think I'd be a terrible parent. I was glad she was honest and that she made sure I knew that she would do what she could to get me through what would be a very difficult high risk pregnancy. But I also was glad that I had long ago come to terms with this. The only time I think of it much now is when I don't know what to to say, like tonight.
I feel like I'm rambling because I'm getting sleepy. More later.