drugs, drugs, and more drugs

One of my least favorite symptoms is insomnia. This is one that I tend to have pretty severely. However I'd gone a long time without having to remember how bad it can be. Mood stabilizers at high doses solve a lot of this normally. This time I am not doing very well.

Last night I took a sleeping pill, 2 (double dose) ativans, a higher dose of depakote (each increase should make me more tired and that was the increase to my previous HUGE dose that means normally I take another med to help me wake up in the morning), a small amount of risperdal (which has a drug category of major tranquilizers), and a sedating antidepressant. I slept about 3 hours. I took more ativan in the middle of the night and fought my way through another 3 hours. Now, at 6:15 I'm giving up. That's 8 hours devoted to fighting to sleep maybe 4. Today I may go to my mother's to see if I can sleep in an unfamiliar place. Sometimes that trick works for a little bit.

This isn't the worst it's ever been. The worst was sleeping a total of 4 hours in 3 weeks. Even a few weeks ago it was really worse because I was up all night and catching a few hours of sleep randomly. At this point it's just frustrating because I am out of ideas and it's one of the things keeping me from getting better.