Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Help Me Please

I'm writing this as way too many meds flow through my body so please forgive spelling errors.

There's an easy way blog readers can help. I am very bored (in fact that will make me cry) and very limited in what I can do right now. I love gardening but don't have the energy. I can't be in the sun or heat. I don't have the attention span to watch movies; I do have individual episode DVDs of a few shows and I can usually watch 30 minutes. I can read some. I need more books.

I need books that a short attention span doesn't affect comprehension. Books with short chapters work well. I like mysteries. Currently James Patterson is ok. I just worked my way through a Janet Evanovich that I'd read before. It went slowly.

Reading helps me sleep. PLEASE, if you have ideas, post them! I also am always looking for books on bipolar disorder. I've had some success with Dave Barry recently.

Thanks.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your recent posts and I wish there was something I could give you or tell you to help you to feel better fast. When you talk about wanting to see a better future, just to know it's there, that's something I can relate to. When I'm driving a long and by now familiar route, I still set my tripometer to 0 when I start out, and rather than using the landmarks I pass to meaure how far I've gone, I keep checking that tripometer. Knowing exactly how long the trip is and knowing exactly how far I've gone somehow helps me to see my progress more clearly, because I can break it down into percentages and fractions. "I've gone 17 miles, I'm a third of the way there." It never matters to me that I can look out the window and figure out where I am and try to calculate it in my mind based on the many times I've traveled that route - I need that number to tell me where I am. When I am going through painful experiences, I liken them to driving, to going through dark tunnels and the proverbial light at the end of them. I tell myself that it's not the tunnel itself that bothers me - because everyone is going to have those and there's nothing anyone can really do to prevent that - just part of the journey. What bothers me is the not knowing - not knowing when I enter that tunnel precisely how long it is or how long it will take before I will see that light and begin to feel relieved by it. In the hospital we have people count backwards and promise them the pain will be reduced by the time they reach a certain number...I wish I could count down my own pain.

I know you're in a tunnel right now.

I just hope you can believe that you will get out of it, there is another side and you will find it. You always have before, and you will again.

Anonymous said...

Patricia Cornwell's books are good for short chapters and good mystery. What about reading a series of books ... like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? Do you play any games online? That often helps me (especially when I'm hypomanic) becuase it distracts me for just long enough. Know that we're here for you if you need.

Just Me said...

Anonymous-

You pinned it perfectly. What I am so upset by is that I don't know what is happening. I got used to a pattern and now all I know is that I'm much sicker and for much longer than ever before. I used to know that at 6 weeks I'd feel much better. This time at 6 weeks I was still so sick I don't remember it, and at 8 weeks I'm unable to remember the day of the week.

But it does help a lot to know my doctors believe they know WHY I'm not getting better quickly and that they think I'm doing ok. I know that I made a choice to do some heavy mental work when I started this. I just didn't realize it would be about the hardest therapy I've ever done.

Patience is NOT my best skill.
Thanks,
Just Me

Just Me said...

Sarah-

Thanks for the Patricia Cornwell idea. I was reading something by her when I got sick in fact, and then couldn't read anything. I'll have to try it again. That's also a good idea for the car; I drive a total of 4 hours a week to see my therapist right now and so I listen to a lot of books on tape.

Online games haven't worked this time because of hyperacuity. I always have this but this time it has been so bad that I've had to wear headphones in waiting rooms, cover my ears in stores, and turn off my dehumidifier my basement needs. I can't handle the blinking moving lights of games. I wish I could. Last time I was sick I spent half the time playing something.

Thanks,
Just Me

Anonymous said...

What about sudoku? no blinking or flashing....

Just Me said...

How much concentration does soduku take? (ie can I play about 5 minutes?)

It's worth trying, especially because I seem to be getting a bit better with this too. I've been reading more successfully this week and watching tv without needing busy finger work.

Baby steps (funny that was one of my favorite movies even before I got sick),
Just Me