Happy Things

I seem to really be getting better finally. I never will say I AM getting better because trusting that means it hurts too much when I cycle and land on my butt, but right now every day is a bit better. Things are coming back to me, like my attention span (thank God!) and ability to sleep. I'm starting to taper the sedation because it's actually too much now and I'm bored all the time because I don't have the energy to do anything during the day, but today I'd had a good bit less sedation and felt so much better, even did some very wet yard work.

Many things about me are finally showing I'm improving. Each time I've seen the psychologist lately he has noted the improvement. He says I sound better too; that one I can't see for myself so much. Yesterday I was back to being sarcastic (this is my normal and it has been totally gone for months) and even made a joke. It's been so long since that felt natural.

I spent a lot of the week fighting my disability insurance company and a large check will be coming any day now. The fight was ridiculous, even worse than I've already written about, but finally I refused to get off the phone until they answered all my questions and resolved the claim. It only took 20 minutes that time. Since assertiveness is not really my best feature I was pretty proud.

Things start moving faster now. As long as I stay moving forward I'll keep seeing the psychologist twice a week and I imagine taper down close to the time I go back to work. I see the psychiatrist every three weeks until the end of July then I assume the add-in appointments will end and I'll go back to monthly. I see the regular doctor soon about thyroid medication. My return to work is scheduled for 4-5 weeks. For the first time that feels possible.

Other things are starting to feel normal as well. Summer is kicking up my dreaded lithium thirst and the need to eat salty foods is at an all time high. Everywhere I go I must stop for a drink and a bathroom. Sometimes I can't drive the hour to or from counseling without stopping. I did mess up my lithium dose this week; I took the old dose for about a week, the one that made me sick. I caught it before anything happened, but it did frighten me because it was so easy to make that error just out of routine. For 4 years I took 4 of those pills, taking 3 is a big change. But it's very needed.

Next time, if I remember (which is also starting to come back-today I even knew what day it was most of the day!), I want to write about what I'm learning this time. This is definetely going to be the episode in which I learned the most (aside from the beginnning which does not count).

For now, I'm going to get a snack and see how much fun I can have with my 16 pills! (I have this mental idea that less pills is better because I hate them; I am not good at swallowing them although I've learned. My high is 23. I was on 8 or 9 for a long time, so this 16 thing is well, hard to swallow....:)