I Lied

I said the next post was going to be about the changes in how I have to approach some things, but I lied. I did, however, remember that was my intention so we're doing pretty well!

Instead, I'm still cycling. I had to accept that I really felt depressed yesterday and today. I had the pills already to increase my antidepressant dose very carefully (this one works very well for me but puts me over the top into mania far too easily so we're doing this very, very carefully) so last night I did that. If I remember it takes about 3 days for this one to work. I'll be allowed one more increase after that before moving on to another last possible choice (it seems like we hit those every so often, but then something else in some other odd combination always comes along).

I know cycling is very, very normal at this stage. I know that's why I keep refusing to say I'm getting better quite as positively as the psychologist wants. I always cycle every 2 days or less at this point. This is not that bad, and the meds will fix it quickly. But I was ready to move on and I think I was starting to believe that was happening faster than it really will.

Back when I started writing this blog it was often hard to know what to write. I could write how I felt about certain things I ran across or that were said to me or that I observed. Now it's easy to write about my experiences because my whole life is centered around bipolar illness. I'm ready to go back to the other way for a while. I think that was why I wanted to write my other post idea. Which I will still get to. But first I have to feel crummy and it's not going to come out well if I do it when I'm feeling angry at the world, which I currently am.

Anyway, this isn't going anywhere so if anyone finds my point let me know!