Well, the anxiety isn't all gone. I knew this, especially because I still don't have the right balance going on so that I can take the appropriate amount of anxiety medication at night and still wake up in the morning. But tonight, wow.
Tomorrow is the day I'll talk to the psychologist about my new ideas about work. We also need desperately to talk about my lack of progress in therapy and my decision to not talk about work issues unless it is something truly new for a while. I need to just talk until I've said it all once I get there, but waiting until that time is not easy.
Oh how I wish for the perfect anxiety med, one that would read how much power it needs to put forth and react accordingingly.....(without side effects of course)
About Me
- Just Me
- Over the years I have noticed that when I have the least hope a rainbow appears. Rainbows are a wonderful combination of beauty, hope, happiness and rain, the product of ugly grey clouds that hide the beauty of the sky. The beauty that is a rainbow can only come with the presence of both rain and sun. Such is life with bipolar disorder. There are good times, there are tough times, and there are rainbows to remind us that beauty will return, sometimes fleetingly and sometimes for a long time. This blog is my story of sadness and hope. Please scroll down to "Who I Am" under Pages to read more about me and the people who populate this blog.
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2 comments:
One think I used to do was take tiny bits of klonopin throughout the day as needed. I'd take a standard dose at night and in the morning, and then take what I needed in 1/2 to 1/4 milligram increments. It worked, and I wasn't too sedated. Some doctors don't like this, they want you to be taking a set amount on a fixed schedule, but actually I wound up taking pretty similar amounts most days. I also don't have a history of addiction, and have been able to come off stimulants and benzo's cold turkey. So abuse wasn't an issue with me.
Like all meds I have to have a weird reaction. With benzos I am overly sedated. In college I took one Xanax and was out for 3 solid days except for my roommates making me eat once a day. I've handled low dose Ativan without problems except that I couldn't handle it during the day if the rest of my cocktail was sufficiently sedating to manage my mixed episodes. When in the midst of the worst mixed episodes I've been up to 3 mg/day spaced as I wanted, successfully, but that's been during times I've not been working.
I've never tried Klonopin but I think this is because it would be more likely to act like Xanax.
The biggest thing right now is that I just have to find the exactly correct dose to get to sleep before 2 am but not need to sleep until 10 am.
I'm having mild panic about provigil (stimulant) because my stupid insurance does not tell you that mail order is going to take over 3 weeks, so I'm running out. I'm taking 1/2 what I need to be right now and it's showing. I'm going to email my MD for samples, hope she has some and can send them fast. I've not tried to get samples from her since she left private practice....
I probably will move on and try neurontin or one of my other choices now that I know spaced dosing is useful, but I'm just glad something works.
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