My exact suspicions were confirmed today. Dr. Brain has breast cancer. That seemed to make the most sense from what I've know was happening, and as soon as I saw her I knew I was right. She's doing ok, but I know her so well that I could see differences and I also have seen enough people on chemo to know what the subtle effects are. And she had on a wig, which I only really knew because she's had the same hairstyle the entire time I've known her and I knew that her hair couldn't be cut the way this was because it's not thick enough.
She says it is a very early, very treatable kind and she'll be done with both chemo and radiation in a few months, but I'm so scared and sad for her. She's a doctor at a top hospital in the world, so that helps I guess; she's got access to the best care anywhere. And she's doing well several months into it.
But I also know I just lost a friend to the same disease, albeit a more virulent form, only a few months ago. And my friend was my age.
I also feel like I'm the worst possible patient to have when you are in that situation. She says it's fine and she can handle my needs and she knows them better than anyone, but I also know that I'm one of the most involved cases she's got and although I'm starting to feel really good I also know that there's no promise I'll stay "easier", since I don't really get out of the hard category just in terms of I have to be seen frequently, often need something between, etc.
Please just pray for her. If you do that, of course. In fact, please put her on any prayer list you know of; I kind of want to feel like I know she's is surrounded by love, and I know how effective all of you were for this when I was so very sick.
I'm going to take some meds to calm down, because I've been crying for a long time now, and then I'm going to start trying to figure out how to be a "good" patient and how to trust God that this can be ok. (Please understand that as I talk about this over time this is going to be very hard for me to do. I had a friend die from breast cancer in October; she was my age. 34. She had a very vicious type and knew she was terminal for years, and this is totally different, but it's still too recent. And I had a psychiatrist die before, so it's not like I'm not well aware that things happen. His death was either a weird accident (how it was presented) or a suicide (how it sounded), but I figured statistically that would keep my doctors safe........