Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Friday, January 15, 2010

Made it

I made it through this week, and believe me, that has been an accomplishment. I am so incredibly tired. But I have nothing to do the next 2 days but rest and enjoy some quiet, and I need that more than anything.

Just to give you an idea of why I'm so tired, I had 3 almost 2 hour from check-in to leaving PT appts this week, each of which meant leaving home at 6:30. I also had one counseling session, which i then had to go back to work to complete paperwork that it had interrupted. I had 2 nights I had to pick up things which because I'm working so much meant getting home at 10 pm, both times after leaving at 6:30. I think the earliest I was home all week was 8:30 and the latest i left home was 8 AM. I started work about 9:30 this morning. By 12:30 I was on overtime. I worked until 7. And those work hours have been fast paced and have required slamming a lot of stuff into one day. Next week already is crammed for the first 3 days, so I am even more planning to rest.

I also made it through my birthday. And the blog's birthday. As for today this blog is 4 years old. this was the easiest birthday ever. The only happy birthday got from anyone was from my bank, and since happy and birthday tend to not mix well for me that's fine.

So much has changed in that four years. So very much. Four years ago I was feeling slightly better for the first time in years, starting to respond more to meds than I had ever before. I was feeling more and more confident in my identity as a mentally ill person who was able to contribute to society, and less and less interested in hiding that part of my life from everyone. The only real downside was that I had been sick at the beginning of the month when my labs were due and had felt well enough to take on an extra project for the month of January, so I was putting the labs off.

Nine days later my therapist dropped the bombshell that she was leaving the country for a number of years. I did not react well. I did a lot of crying, had my mood plummet, and was so upset that I couldn't eat or sleep. I had to be referred to a new therapist. The one I was first going to try I heard something in her description that made me think she wasn't right for me. So I asked to try 2 referrals out. I met with Dr. Mind and cancelled the other trial appt.

And then I spent the next 6 months fighting with nausea, vomiting, being off meds, horrible work stress after my assistant was fired and I had no help to do 2 jobs, adjusting to Dr. Mind (who while I liked him from day one was very different than my past therapists and took some adapting to), medical testing to help with the nausea, and ultimately disability and the labs that finally were able to be done that showed I was seriously toxic on lithium and then that my thyroid had given up the ghost.

So the blog came about in a very chaotic time of my life, but then I didn't really plan to write about things that were personal and so at least the beginning of that story isn't recorded on here, yet those months were so horrid that there was little else of interest to say.

Please don't say happy birthday.

And I'll write again when I wake up. Hopefully before Monday morning......


Julia said...

I missed your birthday? Well since I can say the H word, I'll just say I'm glad you were born! So happy, then, to ME!

And sleep, sleep!

Michal Ann said...

But You, O LORD, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head.

I cried to the LORD with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill. Selah

I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustained me. Ps. 3: 3-5

And yes, Julia, "happy" JustMe to you...and me. I love your post about Gage and the POWER of your love for him.

Keep loving, ladies, and resting when you can.