Today was a pretty limited day thanks to yesterday's oral surgery. I've done pretty well with pain; I had Vicodin at bedtime last night and again at 6 AM. I made it all day with a dose or two of tylenol and sticking to easier to chew foods but it's pretty sore now so I'm waiting for another dose of Vicodin to kick in.
I did go out for a while. I had my hair cut (yay) and my stylist showed me how I've got lots of little hairs starting to come in where I'd lost hair previously. Then I ran to the mall for 15 minutes. I had promised my mom I'd pick up some soap at the soap store (Bath & Body? something like that. You know it. The chain. I never remember the name). I wound up buying 9 bottles of hand soap because it was 3 for $10 and I had a coupon for spend $30 and get $10 off. Good deal.
And then I did the hard thing. I found a sweater for myself.
I am not kidding when I say that NOTHING fits me anymore. I've always been at an awkward pants length because I don't feel petites are quite long enough but regular is generally too long. I usually go with regular. Now I can't even find clothes that are proportional. I have my weight all around my middle. My butt is not evenly affected, making pants that fit at the waist sag. I have a small frame so if things are cut too big in the shoulders the neckline will be too big. However I have fat on the backs of my arms so my sleeves need to be loose.
I'm in this weird neverland between so-called "women's" sizes and normal clothes. This is made even worse by my having a lot of hang-ups about clothing and wanting it to be looser than it was supposed to be. I just don't have that comfort in my own body. I didn't when I had 6 pack abs and I don't now.
But what I don't get is what happens if you are short and chubby in this society. Do you lose the right to look nice? Because I can say for sure that the clothes Kohl's offers in the women's section are not as nice as the regular clothes. Nor is there any selection.
To add to the insult even more, stores seem to think if you're fat you don't want to dress like other people. I find this positively idiotic; I can't even find sweaters that make me think "wow, I really like that". Why can I not find plain, tasteful clothes?
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only men's pants work for me. i don't who these people are who keep designing clothes for women with tiny waists and huge hips and short legs. morons.
i've given up shopping, now i take my son's castoffs.
I buy most of my clothing online, I don't like most of what I find in stores. Once you go to the women's sizes, everything that looks half-way nice is very expensive, that is what I find unfortunately. There are nice things out there, but you really have to search for them, and pay for them...
The expensive thing is also part of my problem and anger. I wear scrubs 5 days per week and when I'm home on those evenings I pretty much wear pajamas or sweats. I need mainly to have a few pairs of jeans, a pair of khakis (which I do have), and an assortment of tops which are SHIRTS and should not be hard to find. Yet they are. And so often they make me angry because if it actually is designed so that it looks somewhat like the things that are in style it always have something just a bit different so that I'm reminded this is a "fat shirt".
I will eventually shop online more. Right now I don't know my own size well. And hopefully as my thyroid works better I'll be losing some weight anyway.I can't believe that I haven't lost weight just on the basis of giving up pop and restricting all drinks except juice that holds my miralax dose to unsweetend tea or water.
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping?
It's gotta' be frustrating.
I didn't respond to all the comments I meant to here...anonymous mom I started reading your blog and got so caught up in it I never came back to respond! (Almost done now)
Anyway, I'm going to try men's pants I think. And I'm definetely getting men's sweaters. The one I bought the other day did work nicely and I felt better about how I looked than I have in months, but it shouldn't be such a fight.
TherapyDoc, thanks for stopping by! Yes, of all the hell I've been through with meds, knowing that I'm trading feeling human for fatness is about the most frustrating. Probably it's tied with Risperdal working and then trying to kill me....
so, why not make a lifestyle change? what about people who are healthy and take measures to take care of themselves? should we be destined to wear fat clothes because the majority of our society is fat? oh yeah, that makes sense. if you're fat, do something about it. stop blaming and complaining, it does nothing, and oh yeah, your fat will still be there. geez. i feel bad for all the kids suffering from child abuse at the hands of all these ignorant, lazy, fat parents.
EATING WELL AND BEING ACTIVE A LITTLE MORE THAN NEVER is found to have essentially no negative side effects. Maybe you should ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you... or you guys can continue to eat yourselves to death while waiting for some "magic" solution that fits your fast,cheap,easy American lifestyle. Obesity kills-- although it is an expensive way toward population control.
Obesity screams lack of self-respect. And if people can't take care of themselves...well, survival of the fittest speaks for itself. It's not up to anyone else but yourself to decide how long you want to live. Oh let's scream genetics all day long-- DUH, YOUR LIFESTYLE CHOICES determine to a large degree HOW your genes develop. Quit coming up with excuses to make yourself feel better...that time should be spent figuring out how to take control over your life.
This is Just Me. Please see 12/12/11 post for follow-up on the comments made by the JERK above before you start flipping out that your psych meds make you an awful person.
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