Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Thursday, July 31, 2008

My double standards

When I took this job I wound up telling them about my bipolar sooner than I'd hoped because I was frustrated with the frequency with which people joked about "crazy", "psycho", etc. I made sure people knew it wasn't really appreciated and that while I'm very realistic about my illness and what it is and isn't, knowing I've been psychotic means I don't like hearing it be used to describe things that aren't like the hell psychotic symptoms are. Nobody who has not been there can understand. I know that even I cannot really truly understand because my psychotic symptoms are generally mixed episodes. I do sometimes hear voices, but most of the time have the ability to ground myself and know it's not real, or at least that I need to question it. I do not live a life where those symptoms are constant. I'm not even embarrassed to admit this is sometimes part of my life, and I've had several patients who were horrified that someone might know this happens to them. I think they believed they'd be punished.

So all that stopped for a long time. Then recently it's crept back in. I realize this is a testament that my co-workers don't see me that way, but I want respect for my issues. Today we had a meeting where it just was clear I'm going to get uncomfortable soon.

The thing is that I call myself and various things crazy all the time and I'm fine with that. I totally have a double standard, and since not everyone knows I'm mentally ill, expecting them to be respectful of certain things I don't respect (political correctness basically), it's ridiculous to even have expectations.

We need a more perfect world.

1 comment:

Emilija said...

I have a similar issue at work. I'm not "out," and people are always talking about how crazy certain patients are, etc. I guess it is good that they don't think I'm also crazy. But sometims I find myself wondering if I should be offended, etc. I'm a pretty laid back person so I'm really not. I'm just a lot more sympathetic to my "crazy" patients than the other therapists, and try not to let people say things that are too horrible about other people.