We talked today about 4 years ago when I started to see him. I used to get so angry at him because he would tell me that I could be fine, I could live normally. Nobody else had ever told me that. Dr. Brain wouldn't say it never would be ok, just that we had to find the right meds and we might have to wait for new ones to come along (at that time that would be accurate; the 2 meds that have saved me are both new). He wanted to know why I didn't believe him then. I told him that even the guru of bipolar disorder I had seen had told me that (at that time, and a lot of treatments came along in the next few years) that I could manage my illness but that I would always deal with it. Dr. Mind told me that he just figured back then that he didn't know that I could be ok, but didn't know I couldn't, so he just went with the I could and said he guessed well. he's pratically gleeful.
Want to know a secret? I'll tell him next week, but I realized something tonight. I've been thinking about it for a while, but now I'm sure: I have learned to trust Dr. Mind. Fully trust him, more than anyone on earth I trust him. These last months he earned it. And that's truly incredible.
Otherwise, will say more tomorrow or over the weekend. Work intense. I'll be on overtime by noon, and am working Saturday as well. I can handle it and need the $$$.
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3 comments:
FABULOUS REPORT!!! Oh.my.goodness. REMISSION! You have come through STRONGER THAN EVER even throught all the attendant challenges of ordinary life like broken furnaces, etc. etc.
Yes, it's your own type of chemotherapy and you will have to manage it but YOU ARE THE BEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN. You now have new meds and new hope both for you and for others, the others whom you touch daily and those who read your blog..and will read it in the future.
THANK THE LORD! (and all the ways He helps...all the meds, caregivers, facilities, etc.)
"Intense workload, overtime, I can handle it, need the money."
Yes, you are certainly "handling it!!"
....yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
Habakuk 3:18
JOY! Michal
Wow, just wow.
You should also feel so proud of yourself for not giving up, for trusting how ever little you did in order to keep going through the motions until you were well.
You give me hope for Gage. That one day, if we keep believing he can that he will.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so, so grateful to you for your willingness.
That is wonderful! And you have been under so much stress, too. This just proves that you are very strong (and that MAOI's are very good, which I think that they are).
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