Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Thursday, January 17, 2008

13 more days

I'm beginning to be very, very tired. I am doing the working/sleeping/nothing else dance. I'm simply too tired to post. I'm reading some blogs, and Sarah thank you very much for the lovely promotion that I haven't managed to get a screen name to thank you there but I will someday when my life isn't all one big run-on sentence.

I can't even remember this week. I know that I will always remember this birthday as the day that I had to set my patient down on the floor. I cannot begin to explain how that felt. It was because she was acting out, but I also know deep inside that it was because I'm not at my usual strength level yet. If I were stronger I might have been able to hold her and yell for help, or to throw her into a wheelchair. I will remember today as the day I discovered I still owe the dentist nearly $400 for my crown because I accidentally was out of network for surgery.

So anyway, I'll write this weekend if I'm awake at any point, and in about 2 weeks everything will return to normal. Or a new normal anyway. Whatever that shall be.


Cranky Amy said...

Sometimes we just get to the point of having to do the work/sleep only routine. So long as I know there is a point out of it, I can usually accept it. Hang in there, there is a light over there!!!

Just Me said...

Actually I'm no longer accepting it. I cannot do this anymore. It is when I start saying "if I can make it to ____ then I'll be fine" that I wind up on disability. I absolutely have to work another few years. So there will not be 2-3 hours of commuting combined with45 hour work weeks anymore.

I suppose for someone healthy it's one thing, but at least for me (and I'm probably a bit different because I'm on so very, very much highly sedating medication, enough doctors marvel that I'm awake ever) it's time to not try. I want to feel "normal" in being able to push harder sometimes than others and the truth is I just can't.

So soon I'll be gone 10 hours/day. No more, no less. I'll only work 4 days. I won't have a nighttime trip to therapy and then home (resulting in not getting home until at least 9, later if the therapist is at all behind or if I need to stop).

I can't wait. I have served my time pretending.