This time back to work one thing has been noticeably different. Each time I've been off work I lost a lot of the physical strength I generally have from lifting people. But both of the other times I worked on regaining it before I returned to work. This time I was still not feeling up to much at the time I returned, and I'm still needing a lot of sleep time. I'm regaining strength but it's so slow.
It's a strange feeling to know I am not as strong as I usually am. I know that the woman who I lowered gently to the floor I could have prevented from going down 6 months ago. In fact 6 months ago I stopped the same thing from happening with someone who was trying even harder to go down, and I held her propped up while people responded to my yelling for help.
It's so weird to compare my new and tenuous mental strength with my physical weakness; it feels like a role reversal.
It's also weird here on this blog because I'm getting less and less hits now that I'm back. I have noticed a trend over the past few years: if I am doing well I get less hits than if I'm sick. I am sure this is partially because I write more when sick, and it's more interesting when my moods are wild than while I'm simply working on believing I can feel good, but that doesn't mean that doesn't seem odd.
I got my W2s for taxes today. I can't believe the small amount of money I lived on for 4 months. I lived on less in grad school, but if you consider my monthly bipolar expenditure is nearly $700 (or more at times) it's impressive.
And the best thing: 4 more days at the place I don't like!:) (Oddly, I really like the therapists, but hate the facility).