I thought I'd said everything to my sister. I've been so anxious to tell Dr. Mind I did it. But now I realize there is more. I think she knows this, but I NEED her to know that I will never, ever hurt my niece, that until Anne is old enough to understand that Aunt Jen has issues that I will stay away from her when I need to in order to let her see me as a good, safe person. I want her to grow up knowing that Aunt Jen has an illness and I want to be very open with her as she is old enough to grasp it, but I also want my sister to know that I will do everything in my power to keep my niece from ever being hurt by my illness. I can do that, I do it all the time with my strict rule that I do not work if I can't handle being nice, and that rule works very well for me. So it will work in this new way too.
My hope is that for the most part Anne always just knows, and as she gets older she can ask questions like "what is bipolar Aunt Jen?", "Aunt Jen, why do you sleep so much?", "Aunt Jen, why don't you have any children?" (answer: So I can love you more than I love anyone else in the world), etc. I already bought her a really neat book about disabilities and plenty more will come as I find them.
It will be interesting to see if she asks about my birthmark first or my bipolar. I suppose that has a lot to do with whether her own birthmark fades alone or if she has treatments.
Anyway, I need to go to sleep. I'm so tired I don't even need meds. I'm just going to feed my cats, take my pills, and curl up and read google reader until I'm unconscious. I forgot to bring in my computer to charge so I guess I'll go get that too.
Tomorrow is crazy. I have to pack for 2 days away and leave at 7. I have an 8:30 pt, then a drive, then back-to backs through noon. I want to try to see 2 more people tomorrow. I can't get hold of one and can't decide about the other until I talk to the first. When I'm done I have to go let my mom's dogs out, drive home and get my mail/packages from the post office, then come home and pack my car and feed my cats. Then I go see Dr. Mind, go back to my mom's and spend the night, then Friday and go to her house. She'll be home late Friday. I need to wash my car Friday evening as I'm test driving a couple cars on Saturday (yay) and want it to be less like "I drive on backroads a lot" than it is now. Packing is also nuts in that I want to take some sewing, which is easily done, but I also need to pack up the cloth diapers I've been gathering as my sister's Christmas gift (they don't have enough and really wanted to do cloth; now they can) because I need to take them to my mom's where my Christmas boxes are so I can get them wrapped before they are icky.
And then Saturday is Dr. Brain and car testing.
Life is just insane right now. I have a weird schedule next week, and then an all-weekend course. I have to go in for my yearly bloodwork and check-up because I met my $3000 deductible and therefore want EVERYTHING that could need tested in the next year that isn't done more often than that done. I'm going to see if they'll do a hormone profile as well since it won't cost my anything and will help know what's going on by the time I see the gynecologist in February. I'll also get a flu shot (bleck, but it's going around heavily already).
Anyway, back to that go to bed plan I had......