This has been on my mind a lot lately and I just suddenly decided it was time to share. Actually it just occurred to me that there might be someone out there who faces this situation.
I've been talking over the last few years about a lot of remodeling in my house. I've done a lot of things, and am now really 3 major projects (and a thousand minor ones) from done. One of these is replacing flooring, which I'm hoping to do this spring. The other two are big, expensive projects which will require quite a bit of saving to do (total kitchen redo, total bathroom redo which includes replacing subflooring, fixtures, and hopefully moving a nonweightbearing wall in a foot so I have a linen closet.
For a long time I just couldn't see selling this place after it was done. For one thing I wanted to enjoy my remodeling. I grew up in a home constantly being remodeled and nothing ever was finished. I consequently grew up in a not very nice environment that we were taught was great because "it's being remodeled". Um, so that's why our kitchen counter was plywood for 12 years? For another it's making progress at being paid off, something important when you're in my shoes and don't really know how long you'll work. Plus there's little market for homes here right now.
But I've decided that if I'm still at this job and as happy as I am now in 3 years I will probably try to sell and move much closer. My mother and I were talking about this and she was telling me what a good idea it is. Then she paused and said "Plus, down the road that makes you a lot closer to [sister] if you get sick and need help." This clearly was something that has been discussed. I try not to think about my mother being gone or unable to help, leaving me having to turn towards a sister who certainly never asked for the responsibility of an adult who gets very sick from time to time. I asked my mother then if she and my sister had talked about that part of the future and she said only that they had and that my sister knows someday that she'll probably be the one looking out for me if I need it.
I keep wondering what that is like for my sister. She's certainly never seemed resentful or angry about it, and hopefully I'll be doing as I am now and even when not psychologically good for long periods I am functioning pretty well. The physical illness did in my house and I have needed cleaning help, but that's the physical stuff not emotional.
I just wonder what it is like to be in her shoes and know that someday she'll be checking in daily on a sister who can be fine one day and very much not fine the next. Does anyone have experience with this?