last straw

I wound up home again today and will now have to work on Sunday to make up, but I felt so lousy I just couldn't try.  My doctor's computer system remained down all day but I was able to get the results from calling the office and forcefully not letting the woman hang up until I had both tests. They were clear.  So I don't have pneumonia, which is good, nor a sinus infection, which is kind of too bad b/c we know how to treat that.  I have questions for him and the system won't be up until tomorrow sometime.  Stress.

I was paid for the first time Friday.  I had to be paid by check because of a problem with my direct deposit information.  Unfortunately they paid me very wrong.  I'm salaried during my 90 day learning period and they paid me instead my hourly rate for office work/meetings which is substantially less.  I realized this Saturday and left a message for the correct person, also asking her to get back to me, stressing I was home sick, please call me there.  nothing.  I called again today, again begging her to call me back because I have a huge overdraft and have not wanted to cash the check since it was an error and I don't know how they handle that.  Again I said to PLEASE call my home # so that I could borrow money from my mother if I needed to.  Nothing.  I just woke up a little bit ago and am going to take meds and go to bed soon.  I checked my work voicemail and she left me a message showing she never listened to a word I said, something about I could cash the check I just needed to correct the direct deposit.  IT'S NOT THE RIGHT CHECK!!!!!  So I left her another message, crying (which I didn't mean to do, I'm just so sick of being sick and need things to go smoothly and am tired of them not), explaining AGAIN.  This person is very nice.  She also isn't great at attention to details, causing a big ordeal with being fingerprinted while on vacation and needing to submit to be reimbursed for that,  and also she forgot another part of new hire stuff as well as sticking me with little to do for a day because of not adding me to the computer system before my hire date.  But for pete's sake, this has cost me a TON of money and she's the one who entered the incorrect information in the first place.  "I'm sorry and will fix this ASAP" seems in order.

So, right now my life is this:  I am totally stressed about both money and work.  I'm exhausted no matter how much I sleep.  I'm coughing and feel crummy and can't do a thing about it except pray these last 2 meds work because if they don't it's time for steroids because anyone else would have had them about 2 weeks ago because of the inflammation in my breathing things.   I can't have them without risking mania and if I have to do it I want to be in the hospital.  Saturday I have to set up a plan for this with Dr. Brain. The current plan is to try to get through this course of antibiotics and hope it works, but if the trend continues and I feel worse ultimately we won't make it 10 days on this.   I also am completely upset because I keep missing work and it's only my 3rd week.  I'm making it up but if I go on steroids it will be more time off and I'll need to explain some of what is happening.  I probably need to do that tomorrow anyway since it's a likely thing.  Keep in mind that I can be released from my contract for missing work during this time and being able to say that they are treating something specific would be helpful.  I am overdrawn at the bank despite having a paycheck in my purse and I can't get the right person to listen to FIX it.  And tomorrow I have to work no matter what.

I also have reached my usual point of if no testing shows anything wrong am I making this up?  Am I subconsciously coughing for attention?  I could tell yesterday that my dr. doesn't think so, but he has no more ideas.  I think he is concerned I've developed an allergy and have asthma. Seeing a specialist for that is high on  the list and again, I don't know HOW because of work.

And now I can't quit crying.  It was actually somewhat easier when I thought this was just more reaction to pertussis.  I'm not 100% convinced it's not; what Dr. Body says and what I've read conflict a bit.  Yet he's usually right now I'm going with him.

I just want to understand.....