Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Saturday, July 23, 2011

I have no secrets

I understand there may be a man amongst us.  Who knows, could be more, but the last time I heard from a male was eons ago.  There's a crazy story that I don't even know that the man in question knows fully but that thing with everyone having a few degrees of separation sometimes is true.  If you are and are squeamish skip a paragraph.

Let's just say without sharing too much that my last menstrual cycle was nearly twice as long as it should have been. I also have had a grand total of 2 days that haven't been pretty continuously painful since that cycle.  I just found out from Dr.Body that a follow-up check for anemia after the last time probably would have been a good idea given how I felt.  I was going tomorrow in order to prevent further issues with this cycle.  Too late. So I guess we'll REALLY know after this.

I'm so fed  up.  After the panic attack I was going to do a short burst of antipsychotic to try to boost my mood/calm me down without affecting work.  Thanks to needing vicodin I will not be doing that.  But at least this won't cost me days off work.  I hope.  But I need to keep making myself focus on this is just a time to have a lot of faith.  Dr. Body says I'm handling this well.  I think he's lying, but it was nice to hear.  Because I'm not.  I can't stand not know specifically what is happening.  I'll write another post about what I know about what is happening, but it's all confusing.  And right now Vicodin and a cat who even through her dementia know when I'm hurting and comes to make it better are making sleep come.

I hope to post several things this weekend, including what has been going on, the special MAOI protocol I'm being put on for anesthesia (one qualification is your doctor has to state in a letter that being off an MAOI results in a risk of suicide. Dr. Brain told me that part very gently but that it is true.  I am much more attached to those patches now........), the story behind my new look, and if I can complete the thoughts some new insights on how much I am realizing that I cherish my Appalachian culture more and more .  I told someone yesterday who asked about my leaving for grad school and then coming back that after I was gone a while I was ready to be back near family and what is familiar, and then that after coming back I had realized how important my cultural heritage is to me.  (She was from elsewhere, an Appalachian import you might say).  And that made me think a lot about the last 15 months of home health have honed my appreciation for that part of me, yet another part I tried to deny for a very long time.  And for that matter, have I ever told you about trying to remove Appalachia from myself and what the end result was?  If you're interested in that stuff it's an interesting story.

Falling asleep, maybe (vicodin makes me very groggy but it's hard to sleep, although I have had my other meds too.  Too much heat, adrenaline, etc. today or something.

Lots to come.

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