Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Saturday, January 14, 2012


Last night I was up crying until 3.  Then I had nightmares for many hours.  I'm completely exhausted.  No blogs today.  Maybe tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

Jen, were you able to sleep last night? I will check back later for an update IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT.


Anonymous said...

Hey Jen,

You've been on my mind a lot today, and the reason for it is your "going backward" comments - if I am understanding you correctly, you feel guilty, sad, and embarassed for not utilizing the things you have learned to "deal" in the past. Like you have failed your doctors and yourself. That's how I hear what you are saying.

So, I spent some time today reading your past blog posts; specifically the ones regarding your last hospitalization. I remember that very well, but what I didn't clearly recall were the circumstances before it.

You also posted the other day that "this time is different" - I wonder if you realize the truth in that statement!

If you feel like it, please consider:
- yes, this time you ARE dealing with something different than you've dealt with in the past

- how fair is it to say that you've "gone backward" when this past [terrible, horrible, no good, very bad] year has brought completely NEW issues for you to deal with? I mean, certainly you can utilize some of the skills you've learned but perhaps new ones need to be learned to fit THESE circumstances. But, that's not going backward; it's learning new and perhaps refining the coping skills you've been using

- I can see why you feel you've let yourself down and why you might hold yourself accountable for seemingly letting yourself sink really really low. But Jen, give yourself some grace! How does someone (anyone!) remember to all the things you're suppose to do when you've gone through a year+ of pain, not being able to breathe, not being able to sleep, surgery. And those are just the BIG things I can remember.

- So yes, you need to do what you've been taught to keep yourself well and safe. But when a person has been knocked down, and down, and down, and then even further down... don't you think that some grace and forgiveness is in order too?

Just some things to consider from me, who cares about you a lot. I hope today was a better day for you. This painful time will have a positive outcome. I suppose it seems worse now than what you endured the last year? I would disagree. Actually, I feel that it is the circumstances of the last year that nearly did you in. Not YOU Jen, but the craptastic stuff that happened.

Okay - enough of me. School starts tomorrow. I am ready enough. I will be reading, but may not be able to comment as often. I will be "here" though, ok? And if you want a response, just say "Becky???" and I will answer - that's what friends are for :-)

Be gentle on yourself,