Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Monday, January 23, 2012

We'll start with the rainbow

As I've said very often when something hard happens there is a rainbow.  Today there was a gorgeous, all the way across the sky, brightly colored rainbow for 5 miles or so of my drive.

That rainbow came immediately after I was notified that because of a hidden pre-existing clause on long-term disability I am unlikely to get those benefits. I cannot work at this time. For what I read it is quite unlikely.  Right now it looks like I will need to file for SSDI, may well face bankruptcy, and today I got my last check.  I do have a very large tax return coming and that will get me through a few months.  For the most part I am facing some really big problems.

Dr. Mind called Dr. Brain while I was there; if they've connected it has been since I left.  I have cried until my eyes feel like popping out.  Somehow I need to go make some supper.  I didn't eat lunch because the horror of that letter made me forget that I needed to stop.

That rainbow needs to come through for me.  I truly thought this was all addressed.  I feel sick with horror.


Jean Grey said...

I'm sorry about your policy. Having been on SSI/SSD before- get your application in ASAP. It may take them a very long time to get to it, but they do retro the payment. And don't get upset if they refuse you the first time you apply, they do that to just about everyone. Then you may just have to get an advocate or lawyer to help with your case.

Anonymous said...

Key word = unlikely.

Do your doctors know about this, or did you receive the letter after your appointment?

I am praying for you Jen. And also for your team that they may QUICKLY find a way to right this wrong, and lessen your anxiety.

I am so terribly sorry you have this added to your situation. BIG hugs and I sure wish I could offer more.


Michal Ann said...

I feel very "mother lion" like at the moment. Please understand that I feel protective and proactive. If you need to, forgive me now! I tried to post the long comment I just wrote and it was too long. I will try to send this in two segments but no guarantee that it will get through. Sorry if it ends abruptly. It it does, more ASAP.

I will keep emailing when I can't get in to this site. It happened to me on another blogger site so I think it's their problem, as you've stated. Hate it.

So...Mom Michal says, get that soup from the freezer or cans. (Make a grocery LIST so you're more effective.) Keep eating and sleeping as well as you can and let that "5 mile" rainbow beam into your body, soul, mind and spirit!! Get your cozy blanket ready and be a "Dream Catcher" under your weighted blankets. The Holy Spirit is your COMFORTER, blessing you as you sleep in the palm of God's hand. Don't forget to pray as you settle down and every time you wake up, even as simply as the Lord's Prayer. You can do it!!

Read your LISTS and buck up re: medications. Do it now and do it on time. Otherwise, as much as you can, let others fight this battle for you. Thank God for the relationships among your doctors! You and they and countless other patients, are highly benefiting from this collaboration. I read recently that one should choose "Dr. Nice!" Yes, the article used your terminology! The comment said that COMMUNICATION was the key in effective health care because doctors need to collaborate with each other. You have that IN SPADES! Bless them! They love you enough to PRAY for you! How extraordinary is THAT?? Pray for HEALING, not just management. I know this is a chronic illness and yet we can PRAY for breakthroughs.

As I emailed yesterday, hang on to the rainbow, dear heart! It's much more important than anything I could say about this astounding development. Let the rainbow speak to you. Your witness on the internet is the rainbow and the verse that is your "trademark." Remember: you are living between both ends of the rainbow. Read your eloquent introduction to your own beautiful blog. The "rainbow shift" in in process!

Once again, I offer the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer, long version.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

(Although known most widely in its abbreviated form above,
the entire prayer reads as follows...)

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

ONE day at a time, Jen! Only ONE day at a time.

Michal Ann said...

Now, I offer scriptures to once again remind us of the message of the rainbow, and the sun that rises, the moon that sets and the course of the earth in it's orbit...and God's knowledge of your broken, tormented heart...

Psalm 19
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of His hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
4 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

(Excellent psalm...I recommend all of it. Go to


Romans 1:20

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

I will let God speak for Himself as He clearly spoke to your heart through the rainbow. Your witness is...and will continue to be...incredible.

Love and prayers, Michal

p.s. I'm not suggesting that you repress your storms of tears. Let 'er rip! THIS SUCKS! THIS HURTS! When the storm passes, let the rainbow beam forth. I love your witness...and you WILL, in God's speed, prevail over all forces of darkness that want to blind you from the Light that makes your own rainbow beam far and wide. You ARE our rainbow girl!

Michal Ann said...

Yeah!! Messages went through! Hallelujah! (It's all about me...right?)