Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sleeping. Nobody is home

I haven't been extremely chatty the last few days and doubt I will be for several more, assuming things continue.  I am falling asleep a little bit (not enough to really matter except in my own mind where 2:30 is MUCH better than 3, and 1:30 is an all out miracle) earlier and aside from getting up periodically for fluids or cat food I am sleeping 12 or once more hours.  It would be ideal if I were sleeping at bedtime, not the middle of the night.  But after so long without sleeping much at all this feels so good.  I desperately needed a few nights (and days) of deep sleep.  It makes coping with everything so much easier.  So I'll be continuing to sleep as much as I can whenever I can, until a doctor tells me this is bad.

One thought for the day:  Ending my career early is obviously painful.  It's THE THING I most hoped wouldn't happen because of illness.  And adjusting to it, as you've noticed, has been really hard.  What finally occurred to me is that my mother is retiring in a few more months.  And she's had 2 full careers, achieved a great deal, and loved what she has done in both careers.  Yet even with 45 years of the 2 careers and a tough year or two at the ending she is sad to see it come to an end.  And she will still be doing some professional work.  On the other hand my ending is abrupt and not what I want or planned for.  Nobody will celebrate the end of my career. For me it is not a transition as much as a huge ending (which will of course transition to something else although I have no clue what).  I think I really wanted that 65-70 year old retirement thing.  Not a party, but just the thing where you are celebrating the end of many years of hard work.  Even though I know that my illness made me work much harder in 11 years than many do in 40 this is still sad and is another thing that isn't the way it is "supposed to be".  Oh well.  Other things will come along.  I truly hope to babysit my niece once a week once I feel a little better.  And I am for sure watching her this Friday!!  My sister actually specifically asked me.  I decided to meet them at my sister's work and trade cars with her and spend the day in the town where my sister works instead of driving another hour to her house.  It's going to make nap tougher but is easier on me.  I haven't been able to babysit since late October/early November.

And with that I must go as I've been washing blankets for hours and either the washer got mad again or it's finally ready to swap out.

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