Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I hope this isn't forever
Panic attacks tonight. and not just one unfortunately.
Trying to live on a percentage of my old income that is less than the percentage of my old income I paid in medical bills last year upsets me every payday. I check to see my check has come through and then I get freaked out. This month feels worse. I have money I got from insurance for food loss. (I've spent some of it but no matter what I need groceries.) I need an oil change and new headlight. It would be best for me to stay in Cleveland next week the night before my gyn appointment. And by now my money is long gone and I haven't paid for Dr. Mind, gas, the meds that I have to pay for, or those random things that come up. It'sreally hard. I have some things to do to make this better; I have scrubs to sell to consignment. I have some gold that is worth something that my father gave me. I have a ring of unknown quality that probably is worth a little bit. I have a few savings bonds. I have change to cash in. I try to hang on to these things because it's going to be a while before there is any way I can make money, and so I don't want to use the last options I have.
This is just hard because my mom is partially (a lot with big things) supporting me. She just transferred my big credit card balance to a 0% offer she got and we're going to both pay until it is gone. Aggressive but once my credit card don't have balances I will have more money.
I think I'm ready to go to weekly visits with Dr. Mind too. That will save a TON of money. Since my desire is partially motivated by money it may not work out but I think it is time to try. He may want to continue until surgery if that is decided and will be soon but I think it's time to try it. As I think about it though I am soooooo ready to try weekly again. And since I'm able to whine about the weather keeping me prisoner in my house I think we're ok for handling things. But it's a big step. We'll see.
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