I'm sorry I've been so quiet. I owe emails to a few people and I will post about what I've been doing and learning the last few days, but right now I just feel too tired to make sentences. This has really not been as bad as I as afraid of but it hasn't been easy either and has involved a lot of time spent muttering to myelf, repeating over and over what I feel until the word sounds less awful. There has been swearing and name calling. And there's been exhaustion and little sleep and lots of nightmares.
So I will post soon but it may not be until I've seen Dr. Mind because I want his reaction before anything else. These are still very uncomfortable thoughts for me and some of it just feels wrong even though I think it is just what it is.