Killing me slowly

So I start my new job tomorrow. I have not been this nervous about a first day since my first job. This is a different type of job and while I think this is a good thing that will work well for me, but at the same time it is new and different. Which is scary. It may be that this is for 6 months and then I take a permanent slot. However at this point I want to do this for a full year. I need the money, to be frank. On the other hand the health insurance is not so great. And my dentist is out of network. And I will continue to see him anyway because I trust him. I'm going to be running on way too much steam. I'm so anxious. I am not settling down very well.

I started fish oil supplements today. I'm still fighting off depression, and I can't increase my antidepressant any further. I tried and one dose made me know mania would come with more. I'm therefore maxed out on what I take and I'm still fighting with the symptoms. Thankfully Dr. Brain is going to be back from vacation this week and I will be able to see if she's got any ideas. I hope the fish oil helps and I don't need anything else, but I think that's a strong possibility. At least this time I seem to have found fish oil that doesn't cause the horrid aftertaste, which is what happened the last time I tried it.

I feel bad. My mom needs a new tv. We spent the day canning many, many green beans, with breaks to tv shop. She found what she wanted and was about to order it when I happened to look at her water heater from a weird angle and noticed it was leaking. The TV is on hold. I'm glad that I saw the leak and it's better this way, but I also hate giving a reason to not do something she wants/peripherally needs.

I can't wait for 4 pm tomorrow. Then this will get a lot less stressful. A LOT.

Here goes nothing, although I'd not be surprised to find myself back here. The cats don't listen all that well.