Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Still alive

I slept again last night. I'd set a time limit that if I was still awake I'd do my relaxation tape. I woke up just fine without.

I don't feel very good though. My stomach is really upset. I'm hoping it is just stress. Money is making me crazy at the moment. I feel like there is just money coming out of EVERYTHING. The most recent major stress was a letter from my mortgage company basically telling me that everything my new insurance agency told me about changing policies was wrong and I have to pay a whole year's premium upfront, and then in Sept when my escrow is reviewed I'll get the balance back. I already got the refund from my prior company, which is about half of what I owe, but the whole thing is just frustrating. I need a 2nd job or something.

I also finally decided to stay home. I'd be vomiting if there was anything to vomit, and I feel bad everywhere; achy, headache, nausea, stomach cramps; dry heaves, dizziness, etc. I knew this would happen eventually because of not sleeping and stress, and it has. I'm working very hard right now on listening to what my body actually is saying. Learning that I've managed to ignore pain to the point of running long distances on a broken ankle and never knowing it was broken was an eye opener. As I pay attention I realize things like my right foot, the one with the tendonitis but not the bad ankle, it's no wonder that it was getting into the worse end of soreness for plantar fascitis. I thought it was all related to the ankle. But yesterday I didn't tape as well as I usually do and realized that I've had symptoms of this in that foot for at least a few years. I know that the x-rays showed that while that foot has more arch than the other that it still is less than normal, still enough that the orthotic will "be more complex" than the sample he showed me. Again, I've put myself down for being sore. So in the interest of taking better care of myself, I'm staying home. This isn't going to get any better if I go to work.

I've really come a long way on this. It used to be that no matter how physically ill I was I'd make myself work. I never would go to a doctor either because nothing was every "that bad". I had a friend who would pressure me into going and even into taking sick days occasionally. But I was so reluctant to ever complain that I'd been working 2 years I think before I took my first sick day ever.

I'm also realizing I don't know how to be nice to my body. I know how to push, but I don't do much to just relax or feel good. One of my next goals when I can afford it and am ready is to get a pedicure. My feet have been through so much, something nice might be pleasant. It's not not happening for a while......

I just wish someone would answer my text so I could relax and sleep.....In reality if I were to get sick today is the best possible day; no evals waiting, lots of tx help today, treatments can be done Saturday easily enough and I have overtime so they want to shorten my day anyway.

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