After my post about the scary window man, I've been in contact with Sears several times. They have repeatedly assured me that he will not know who complained. I still worry about that as I can't imagine how it could be addressed without him being able to figure it out. Regardless at least it is being addressed.
The amazing thing is that they have offered me a $100 gift card. I don't know if I'll take it, I don't feel Sears themselves deserves to be punished. However, that's an impressive offer,and I will remember that they really did reach out to fix things more than I remember the scary window man. Eventually.
Even my mother, who is not full of insight into why things are upsetting has mentioned the likeness this man had to my father. Which is exactly why neither of us reacted the way we should have, and is also a huge lesson in how much he still impacts us, even as it is nearly 12 years since I have seen him. And I imagine that is playing into this current serious anxiety issue, as I just didn't need one more reminder of him and what life was like with him.
That's the problem with agreeing to re-live any part of my past. It brings it all together and so every issue I've ever had comes back. But at least I can do this and there is a good reason to do so. I do know though that each time I go through something from my past it gets a tad bit easier. Even though I'm really having a ton of anxiety and it's unpleasant this time around I also am talking more freely and being able to learn a lot more than ever before. Which is the whole point. I'm beginning to learn that I had a linear view of life post abusive family. I thought for many years, probably right up until Dr. Mind, that it was a sequence of survive the home, move out, discuss things that happened and how they affected me, go on with life because those things were "better" now. I was wrong. It's not that what people tried to tell me for so many years is true (that I can't ever get better and that the kind of abuse I survived will always affect every minute of every day), but it also true that I will always be touched by my past, and probably more so because my present and my future are so connected to my illness.
And, as I said, total free association here. I fell asleep before I finished writing this and I honestly don't even know what it says at the beginning.