Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Thursday, March 25, 2010


I'm thinking that perhaps I need to make a long list of things I don't do because of my childhood and what I learned, and then start doing them all.

For example, staying home today. I don't feel that good. There really is something going on, it's just not major. But I'm well enough that I've been up doing easy things. Then I have to rest again. until recently I NEVER would have stayed home like this. In fact, back in November when I had a horrible bug that wound up with testing for appendicits, parasites, and involved 2 ER trips and 2 days off work even though I got sick Friday evening, I felt rotten all that afternoon. My stomach just didn't feel right. I mentioned it and was teased that it was psychosomatic because of all the patients getting sick, but I'd felt bad before that started. Nonetheless I made it through the whole day and was driving home before I admitted I felt awful. The vomiting started soon after I got home and continued for days.

I'm so proud of myself for staying home and resting. I needed that more than anything in the world. I wish I could nap a bit more, but even if I don't at least I'm sitting still most of the day.

There are so many other things I learned wrong that I need to re-learn. I used to joke that I had to take "grown-up lessons" because some things that were so simple were so scary to me. Well, that may be true. Stupid things like:
-it's ok to feel sick
-it's also ok to admit you feel sick
-AND, it's ok to take time off for more than mental health (and it doesn't have to be a crisis to do that)
-it's ok to set boundaries for work
-It's ok to feel and admit pain. Pain IS treatable and usually means something isn't right. Like I tell patients and believe fully for them, all the time.....
-it's ok to tell people who are scaring you to leave your home
-it's ok to not chose to be afraid
-I am the only one who makes decisions about my body. I don't have to let doctors be mean or inconsiderate just because they are doctors
-It's ok to be tired. (On this I've gone from the extreme of knowing I can't get tired to not paying attention when I do).

Who knows what else. I'm going to try to nap a bit. We'll see.

1 comment:

Michal Ann said...

THIS IS FABULOUS! You amaze me! Thank God for all you're learning. The love and care you're showing yourself is a precious thing. You couldn't do it before but my! oh! my! you're learning so much now as the timing and healing unfold.

Thank you for all you teach me. Enjoy the nice jammies you made!

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything
1 For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.