Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Wonder if I'll ever run out of things to say?

I have now posted over 1100 times on this blog in the past 4 1/2 years. It doesn't seem possible.

I am feeling better now. I wound up curling up and taking a huge nap. It wasn't what I wanted to do because I had so many things I wanted to do instead today, but I needed the sleep badly. I'm already sleepy again so in a few minutes I'll take meds and head for my bed.

I've really had a fairly productive day. I've gotten the cat to eat at least a little and I have FINALLY finished one of the first sewing projects I started for the baby: I have made 3 dozen re-usable wipes. I thought that this would be a fast, easy project. I never though about turning 36 small squares inside out. Plus, since they are many different colors and patterns (made from scraps) there was a lot of threading and re-threading needles. They aren't perfect but they are practical and will last and most of all they are DONE, and before the baby shower. Now I just have a bunch of bibs to finish off (although she's also getting a note promising bibs as I finish them as I've just not had the time to work on them lately thanks to several factors including the whole not feeling well psychologically most of the last 4 months. I also want to make a very easy blanket (easy like probably done tomorrow). I have a play mat to make too, but it's never going to be done in time for the shower, so I guess the baby gets that for its' birth.

I can't believe how tired I am after a day of doing virtually nothing. I really am ready for bed. I just don't feel like moving enough to get there.

I'm still fed up with my insurance. I want to scream at them "Normal functioning? How do you know normal for me? You've only been my insurer for 11 months! Your so-called records are 3 treatment plans from the psychologist. Do you know that 3 years ago the state of Ohio's department of vocational rehabilitation was encouraging me to go on disability? But I kept working! 4 years ago I was lithium toxic for 6 months, during which time I was having a full-blown mixed episode since I couldn't hold down meds or food, was working 60 hours/week, and had to change therapists when mine left the country. Working means NOTHING about my functional status, and if you knew your research you'd know this is true for many high-functioning rapid cyclers. I even know where that research was done, you jerks. You don't know my history, so you have no way to know that until 2 years ago I was functioning constantly at at mod/severe to plain severely affected level and working through nearly all of that. And since work is practically all I do because I am still fighting with a SEVERE case of bipolar, don't give me that crap about functioning normally, until you go out with friends maybe once per year, do nothing socially for fun, spend every extra penny you make on medical bills, and have trouble even managing to tolerate the stimulation of a grocery store much of the time."

I could keep going. I'm livid because they are telling me that I am incurable and therefore essentially not worth treating and that letting me talk to a psychologist once a week is a HUGE concession I should be grateful for. In reality talking to that psychologist saves them thousands of dollars in hospitalization bills and allows me to keep working so that I can actually have the job that pays them rather than being on medicare, but whatever.

My mood may be a little cranky.........I may have said earlier I think the pet-sitter did a crummy job. Well, I didn't realize exactly how crummy. Let's just say I killed about a thousand teeny little ants and can't get past the feeling they are crawling on me. I also cleaned up a moldy coffee pot, dirty counters, drifts of dog hair, etc. I can't stand my mom coming home to that, so at least it is done.

On the down side when I put away my sewing I found I was wrong. 2 more wipes to go. Oh well. That's about 20 minutes of work and a week ago I had 18 to go, so this isn't too bad. HOpefully I'll wake early tomorrow and have some peaceful sewing time. We'll see since I'm likely to be up at 3 AM when my mom gets in from vacation.

Tomorrow I hvae to go spend more money I don't have on tires. Just 2, but ick. However it can't be put off. HOpefully I can find a good deal on cheap ones; not sense getting anything very good at this point in the car's life.

So the cat ended the day with very little intake, but at least something and she had a happy time because I set her up with this afghan that I got her that is ugly but cuddly and she loves to knead and she must have kneaded that thing for an hour. So she should be tired as well as happy. I know seeing my mom is going ot make her really happy. She definitely has been waiting for that. I don't think she's going to die as soon as I had thought, but I doubt it will be a month. I'm so glad I've had some time to say good-bye today as I own't be here again for a while. Next weekend is my sister's baby shower, so that will be Saturday and Sunday will be sleeping. The next weekend or two will be recovering from 3 busy weekends in a row, something I try to and am supposed to, avoid. Usually I try for one weekend with stuff, one to rest. Didn't work this month.

Time now to sleep. I hope.

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