Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

The depressive part of this mixed episode is hitting really hard. I'm fairly sure I need back on my antidepressant; we stopped that during the horrible mania. Apparently I still need it even though Seroquel is supposed to fill that gap.

I'm now depressed enough that simple problem solving upsets me. I wanted to make something that needed an egg. I'm out of eggs. Faced with either getting appropriately enough dressed to run to the convenience store (which meant a shower, the hair dryer, clothes), I just gave in. Which wouldn't be such a big deal except that I then felt crushed because I had no eggs. Worst thing that ever happened and all that.

I'm partially have trouble because my thinking is more manic and yet my speed is very slow. I get confused when I try to think or say things. I don't trust myself to react the way I want to. Having burst into tears in public yesterday there is no telling where I'll cry next.

And of course I'm celebrating with nightmares.

I don't even have a good ending line. I'm just disgusted. I wish I had a way to make myself believe that I haven't done something wrong. I know, but I don't.

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