Today I saw the psychologist and confirmed my improvement. I actually was pretty excited to get to do that because normally I get better much more slowly and I am very hesitant to admit I feel better in a lasting way until it has lasted longer. This time is so different because although I have a long way before I'm functional I am much better than a week ago. I really needed that imipramine. Lesson learned.
I also asked a big question I've been avoiding. I've never really been able to say that I knew the pattern my cycling would follow because I cycle so rapidly and virtually constantly. I do know that it's best to not have two major cycles in 18 months. Sadly I have; when I go back in January I will have missed 7.5 months of 20 months. Not good, especially with only 13 months separating. This leaves a question of what happens with that? If I'm only going to have a year of good time at a time (and I was very bad but still working for several months of that) I'm not being fair to employers. Obviously we keep hoping that we get Seroquel balanced into a miracle drug for me but realistically I think we'll find the partial response is a wonderful thing we'll just have to be happy about.
I think dealing with the anxiety that raises is going to have to be the focal point of treatment for a time. I don't know if early on someone told me that I'd probably work through my thirties, if I read something that made me think that, or what, but somehow I always thought I could make it that far.
Now it's no longer about age. Now it is about getting my last few quarters for Medicare eligibility. I need 6 more. Work now will be all about those 3 month increments.