Regaining a touch of control

I bumped my meds up some last night. I decided that I knew it was safe enough, I knew I needed more, and I had lost a whole week to waiting for permission. And it's not like that week was at all good; a week spent pondering why I have to keep living if living is miserable is not good.

The result of my rebillion was 10 hours of sleep without even a bathroom break, and I fell asleep much closer to "bedtime" than the recent usual. I felt soooooo much better today. I even took a shower without having the push of going somewhere to make me. I finally feel a little more in control today.

I also just sat and paid a bunch of bills. Can't tell you how spectacular that felt. Normally I hate doing it because no matter what I have no money. Well, this time I have no money either but compared to last week I'm rich. It actually worked out so I have just about penny for penny what I needed to make minimum payments. I think.

I'll still be really glad when that other check comes....