The last 6 weeks of the year always, always are bad in therapy. Lots of sick people, usually lots of broken bones, lots of cardiac issues as snow comes, lots of elective surgery put off for when the weather is bad.
This year is as intense as usual, but my assistant at the place I spend a small part of my time is sick. So the last 2 days have been really, really insanely busy and I'm still trying to manage my life, which means that I still have to buy kitty litter and the like. And so I'm completely exhausted. I'm doing way too much and I'm not sure how to back off.
Everything is stressful. I want Christmas gifts wrapped and out of my house (I don't really wrap, we use re-usable boxes for environmental reasons), and so I've worked on that from time to time. I still don't feel wonderful, and that's stressful. People are stressing me out. I was booked into a slot with Dr. Mind this Monday that was already booked, so I've been without him for a week and that's still a long time.
This is the first time I've even gotten to try to eat whatever I called dinner before 9 pm this week.
I just feel like I don't have time for the things I WANT to do, I'm just existing and doing what has to be done beyond that. It's normal for this time of year, which is also just generally hard for me, but it's worse this year because I'm still fighting depression (more since I got sick and then was off meds and am still working my way back to my seroquel dose and even more because things are going smoothly at work and because I'm having trouble with not letting my frustration with my manager show. She is getting on my nerves constantly and it's mainly because I'm very angry with her because I just overdrafted my bank out thanks to not getting paid last week because she didn't take the 30 seconds to fax my timesheet despite repeated requests from me and my employer.
So that's why I'm quiet. I am likely to be quiet until Saturday, and more quiet than usual until Christmas is over. In general I have a hard time from now until my mid-January birthday thanks to my own set of bad memories, combined with all the stress. Hence the wanting the gift-boxing stuff done NOW.
Anyway, my food is ready and I'm trying real food for the first time in almost 2 weeks, so here goes nothing.
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1 comment:
Good to have the status check. Everything that frustrates you sounds like December alright!
Yes, I've often thought that the winter season has to be extra full of accidents and illnesses. After all, it's about 1/10 of the year when the weather is bad, the days are dark, drinkers are driving, people are running around stressed, etc. It's the way it is.
I hope your real meal picks you up and you can find bright spots of light in the gloom. May you feel some comfort and joy, comfort and joy...I used to sing that to my kids at bedtime...and not just at Christmas.
"God rest ye, merry gentlemen.
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember Christ our Savior
Was born on Christmas Day
To save us all from Satan's power
When we were gone astray
Oh tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
Oh tidings of comfort and joy!"
Get those gifts out of your house since that seems to help and fix your mind on happy HOLY days. Peace on earth...especially within you.
Philippians 4:5-9 (New King James Version)
Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Meditate on These Things
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
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