Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

This is hard

I'm now doing so well today. For one thing, I'm tired. That's what comes of the holiday, working Saturday, Sunday off, and repeating this week. Then next week I go to see Dr. Brain on Saturday, so I don't get a full weekend off for a while.

My schedule right now is just nuts. The 3 days/week I have PT I have to leave home at 6:30. That means the night before I need to have showered, ironed, etc. I get to work those days about 9:30. That should mean I'm off at 6, but things just don't work so well right now. It's a busy time of year and we've had a ton of evals. Plus my assistant at one building has been off 4 days in the last 3 weeks due to a chronic health issue that really makes me sad because she's great, but she's got to be there more. Plus the patients aren't getting treated like they should because I don't have time to cover her day and do mine. Which really bugs me. And we've had a snow storm that made driving yesterday hideous; it took twice as long to go from building to building and I shouldn't have had to do that if she'd been at work. Today I ate my lunch in the car, so I literally had no break, and I worked from 9:15 until 7 pm. The overtime is great since PT costs $150/week, but I'm exhausted.

Plus I'm just dealing with a lot. I'm very concerned about Dr. Brain. Something is very wrong there. She has never missed work in the many years I've seen her and now she's missing weeks frequently. My mind always goes to bad places, and I have no way to get reassurance until I see her the 8th. My ankle hurts, all the time pretty much, and while I'm ready to get rid of the cast boot I'm also afraid. I managed to turn my ankle yesterday wearing the boot, and now I'm more sore from banging into the support part when it twisted. So that may hold me back on getting it off. I'm working very hard in PT, I am doing what I'm told to do no matter what it feels like (unless it makes me do something with my unstable knee which i do not do, but that knee is attached to the bad ankle and it's getty achy from the therapy for the ankle.) I think a doctor filling in for my doctor may have messed up my thyroid meds, but I don't know until my doctor gets back to me.

Oh, and I've had weird electrical problems today. Strange things with the lights in my bedroom, and then my CD player in my car won't work. Which means I drive in silence. Which lets me think too much.

And my patch reactions are back suddenly out of the blue. Nothing for weeks and now I itch. I don't get it.

I had to fill a $330 script today out of pocket because my idiotic insurance is fighting about whether I need a med I've been dependent upon for something like 5 years. When I've had that insurance in the past they paid, but now it's all a battle again and they are insisting that my doctor do it their way instead of listening to her request to simply speak to my case manager, which she'll have to do anyway. And now she's off work for a while so it will get dropped again.

All in all, I'm tired. I feel like I need to be trying to deal with various things, but I'm in do what I can and sleep mode. I'm so tired that I just about added salt to my milk tonight instead of Miralax (dissolvable laxative). And it's not a tiny amount of stuff that goes in there so it would have been VERY salty milk.

And now I must force myself to iron something to wear tomorrow, and to take a shower. I'm just sooooooooooooo tired.........I'm really tempted to leave it for morning and rush. In fact i think I'm going to, and I'll deal with the consequences. I don't have to leave home until
6:45 for a change of pace, and I can take advantage of that 15 minutes, esp if I wear scrubs. I don't really have scrub pants that fit so well, but we'll deal. I see scrubs and a ponytail.

Anyway, I really need to sleep. 5:30 comes way too soon.

1 comment:

Michal Ann said...

You're on the way! Only a very very strong person could do all you're doing. You WILL continue to fine tune your recovery.

Good job...and the scrubs and a pony tail sounds like a wonderful idea! I'm sure it makes you look very professional.

Maybe in time you can buy more sweaters or something that lessens the ironing burden. Most people don't even HAVE an iron any more. Although I'm not one of them, I also try to get my stuff out of the dryer promptly, hang stuff to dry if I can smooth it out first and wear quite a few knit tops.

And when you're ready to shop again, don't forget thrift stores. I'm sure you're counting your pennies at the moment. Who cares if you wear the same things over and over? You see a changing cast of characters daily it seems.

I've been checking in regularly between the holidays, my uncle's memorial and a second visit from our long-lost twin nieces. We're discussing more of the impact of my sister's suicide and the years of her life that they shared and vice verse. Poor kids...I hope they keep healing and don't feel the weight of depression themselves. It's one of my tendencies 'cause of the MS and years of heartache and loss but with their mom's suicide, they could be especially prone to...what? I'm sure they're fearful...


Again, "May God our Father shower you with blessings and fill you with His great peace." Col. 1:2b

Keep looking for moments of peace, even if it's just a deep cleansing breath between the many essential things you're juggling. Don't forget to shower yourself with all the good health and relaxation tips you know as a professional...why am I saying this to an OT?? Silly me.

Love to you....((((and hugs))))