Yikes

I just kind of thought through some of what may happen, and wow. I may be having to make some really rough decisions soon. At the same time I am supposed to be working on eliminating "what if" from my thinking, so this is borderline breaking the rules.

Next week I go for the MRI of my feet and ankles. As I understand it the left ankle MRI is mainly going to give a better idea of how bad the damage is to my ankle and help my doctor plan for how to treat further sprains and know how close I am to needing that ankle reconstructed. The right foot will determine why it hurts so much, whether there are tears in there or something unrelated to anything else that is causing pain like a cyst, or if I do indeed have tarsal tunnel syndrome. The end result of that MRI will be that Dr. Foot/Ankle will know if I need surgery to that foot to relieve whatever is going on.

Here's where the not allowed to think about "what if" comes in; right foot surgery would be a big mess. I'd be on disability for 6-12 weeks. I can't use crutches with my left ankle the way it is, so I'd probably be hopping around on a walker. I wouldn't be able to drive for a good part of that so I'd be probably getting home health therapy. I'd be stuck with phone therapy with Dr. Mind for most appointments probably. And I don't have a ton of therapy visits left for this year, just to make things worse, but I'd want the surgery this year as my deductible will be met or close to it by then.

I really am not sure I want to do this MRI thing......I don't want to know. Goofy, but true. At least I read about it, and know that I want to make a new tape with Dr. Mind this week that will help me relax without progressive relaxation as that looks goofy in public, but since I have to be still for 3 hours with my feet in a couple holes I really need something to make me relax and hopefully just sleep through it. Because holding still for 3 hours, even with meds, is asking a lot of me. (I also need to be sure to ask Dr. Brain how best to medicate myself for this).

Tonight I'm having hard time relaxing. I'm anxious about my windows coming tomorrow and all that I have to rush through in the morning. I have to leave by 6:30 for a meeting, so it's a rushed day which isn't my favorite way to stay anything.

Hopefully I'll be asleep in the next 30 minutes...........Doesn't help I slept too much during the day today but I was so incredibly tired. I feel better at least..........