Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Rough night, groggy day

I had a very rough night.  One of the dangers of feeling numb is that you'll do a lot to feel something.  The suicidal thoughts went berserk and I wound up dumping out my hard-won tylenol bottle, then having to email Dr. Brain to tell someone. I also hate the waste of money doing that.  I don't have money to literally flush away. I even tried to get onto a crisis chat room thing but I had to wait so long and the tylenol was gone that I decided  I felt safer and being screened for hospitalization wasn't a good idea.  My past few months increase my risk even when I'm really safe, just struggling, and I did not want to wind up locked up and unable to talk to Dr. Mind, which is the key to this whole issue. I moved to the couch where I'm further from my locked up meds. Eventually I took a klonopin and fell asleep before the sun came up.
Now I'm manicky and even walked for 2 hours trying to slow this all down but it didn't help.  So I'm waiting for tomorrow......
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Horrible night but Jen, you did the right things/you followed the plan and you need to feel good about that. The thoughts did not win. You did, and that is something positive.

I sure hope Dr. Mind will be able to help curb some of these symptoms for you - I am thinking this is an effect of the therapy, right? HANG IN THERE until tomorrow dear Jen... I pray that your mind and body finds comfort and rest tonight. You can do this.