Turns out I can lose it

Today was a really, really bad day. Any way you call it, it was bad.

I knew even last night that I would be spending today waiting for some response from my psychiatrist. I'm getting more mixed, not less, and my dose of Seroquel is now as high as the bottle says I'm allowed.

First, I got a call from my disability insurer (who now owe me about 6 weeks of 66 1/2% pay), telling me that I needed to send approval for my psychiatrist to release all records between Feb. 07 and now due to a pre-existing condition clause. I nearly passed out. I very specifically checked and double checked about that clause not applying when I left work. I even know the day and the time and where I was when they called back. So I finally made it through that call without freaking out, although the woman kept acting like she'd humor my panic attack but I was WRONG. I called my HR person, who I really am appreciating because she's worked hard for me, and she told me I was right, that this has happened a few other times with people who avoided the pre-existing thing through a loophole.

I simply couldn't handle it. I spent 2 hours in the fetal position. I think I passed worrying and went into "I don't care at all. Done caring. The end. I've had it". That's not a typical resting place for me, not for that long. The events and my reaction caused one of my safety valve people to tell me I needed to call my doctors. Which was already evident.

I then had to get changed and go pick up a prescription. I am too worn out to go through the whole story, but last month the pharmacist didn't give me 30 pills because the insurance said I could have 150 only, not 180. I called the insurance, they entered I could have the whole script. Therefore I am owed 30 pills, right?

According to the pharmacist, not so. He gave me a refill, which he had to fight the insurance over. Of course he did, the insurance and I expect to go 30 days between refills. I tried to explain this to him, and he yelled at me. He told me that he had to work hard to get it filled and I should be grateful.

FILLING PRESCRIPTIONS AND DEALING WITH INSURANCE IS HIS JOB!!!!!!!

I'm sorry it was harder, but I too have dealt with the issue. I also never heard one ounce of complaint before I changed pharmacies. I was using Walmart but switched to Riteaid because I was spending too much money while I waited. I should have known; last summer another local Riteaid gave me 4 times the dose of thyroid medication and I took it for a month, not knowing.

So I cried in the parking lot. Not much. But enough to show that I can cry in public places. Fantastic.