Frustrated

I'm having a hard time coping with this ankle thing. It feels like one more bad thing in a series of so many, and I'm so extremely tired. I'm already completely tired of it hurting and that's likely to continue for a bit yet. And tonight the pain is worse and different, the kind of pain that says "no more walking without the cast boot until at least tomorrow, and be prepared to request another x-ray". Because what I though I remembered turns out to be true when I look it up; ankle sprains can hide small fractures of the foot that show up a couple weeks later, and what I'm feeling now sound very much like a fracture acting up. It's not a big deal if that's what it is; same treatment, just longer in the cast boot. And I'm undoubtedly expecting the worst; the last months have taught me to think that way. It's something I'd unlearned once, and while I've been worse, it's hard to not think everything is going to be rotten.

Mainly I'm tired. I have been tired ever since I was sick. Really I've been tired since about July, but I did feel a little less tired when I first was back to work. But I've never recovered my energy from the GI bug, probably because as soon as I started to eat I immediately did this.

I'm dreading tomorrow because I know it will be insanely busy. Can't help it, it just will be. Essentially I'm planning on getting to work early, taking 15 minutes for lunch, and working as fast as I can. I have an appt with Dr. Mind, and my manager overbooked me without asking. Then she was mad when I said I had to leave on time. I texted her back at that point that I thought that what I did after 8 hours of work was my own business and that I didn't need to let her know about after-work plans, and besides I've had this same appointment every Monday for months now. The truth is that they're going to be in for a shock here. I'm starting PT and that will mean probably 3 days/week of that and 1 time with Dr. Mind, plus 1 time per month with Dr. Brain. I'll be doing less overtime. Physically it's just not possible. And it's not my fault they don't have anyone to do back-up. I'm willing to work over when I can, but for the next while I'm just not able to do as much.

I'm just so tired of all I write about, all I think about, all I do is work and deal with phsyical issues. I have much more to write about the psych stay. It's just no longer able to be the topic I can focus on.

By the way, since most of you haven't been around too long, this is how I am from December 1 through mid-January. Not usually this sick/hurt, but I struggle this time of year and whininess accompanies it. The truth is that I'm struggling with depression, which goes hand in hand with the holidays, and everything else is adding to it this year. The depression has been getting better, but now that I feel stuck and that my body is attacking me my patience with it is getting slim, and the depression gets worse. I'm back to crying and having other symptoms. We'll get through it, we always do, but this may not be your favorite blog and it might be the most frustrating to listen to for a bit.