Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Friday, April 09, 2010

Lost it

There is stuff going on at work that I'm not at liberty to discuss, nor am I willing to talk about it if I were. It's just the kind of thing that happens I guess, but it's really upsetting me, making me question why on earth I do this and whether I truly suck, and then it's all mixed into this thing of trying to make my schedule easier, and it is too much. I wound up crying so hard I went home early and will stop in on my way to see Dr. Brain tomorrow to finish. I've had way more anxiety meds than I should have and they don't help.

Overall, not my best week. Dr. Mind was hard too, because of how a conversation turned he wound up rather inadvertently demonstrating that some of the memories I have from the hospital time aren't even true. Which isn't shocking, psychosis can do that, but it's more confusing. He also was trying to help me see that this is not "forever", it's just feeling that way. Which I needed to hear, but I didn't really leave feeling less stressed either. And he's very busy, so he gave me a time he doesn't usually do appts. to call in for on Monday if I want it. I already claimed it.

I just want to feel peaceful again. Right now, so not happening.

2 comments:

Teri said...

I'm sorry. I've been having one of those weeks too. It's almost like I feel why even go forward. In the middle of it all it does seem like forever. I've had way more anti-anxiety meds than usual and that alone sometimes makes me feel like I just can't do it. But somehow we do. We get the strength and we're able to go on. We can get through it, it just might take a bit to find the path.

Julia said...

I'm sorry it's been rough, too. I know whatever has to be done to weather the storm you will do and I hope you take a little comfort in that fact.

Thinking of you and hope the storm is shorter and has less strength than you think.