Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Thursday, April 15, 2010

What's happening now

My life has gotten very stressful in the last few days. As I'd mentioned I had reached the point that the stress of work had gotten to be excessive, because I was being scheduled in a way that made it hard to not have overtime, yet also made it hard to reach my productivity requirement. I even tracked this to make sure it wasn't something I was doing. It was not. On top of that I've taken on whatever they have asked, whether it was working a billion hours or changing the structure of my contract to changing how they wanted me to work after 5 months to going to a place I'm not even contracted to cover. I have known that the stress was too much and talked to my boss about it. We agreed that she'd start looking for another placement, and I would talk to where I was to see if it could be resolved.

Last week there was an "incident" where I made a small mistake and a very dramatic patient turned it into a huge thing. Nobody cared; they all knew the context. I was not to even tell my boss because they weren't, I was "an excellent therapist", and was I interested in staying permanently. Then they said they were surprised the stress hadn't hit previously after so much stress for so long.

Ultimately this led to conference call where I tried to explain the stress connection and what the stress is. The person I was speaking to kept insisting it was my fault that I didn't have things under control, despite the fact I can mathematically prove otherwise. I was told to bring suggestions and they'd figure things out Monday. So the "figuring things out" was done before I gave them suggestions and came down to "it's Jen's fault".

I called and requested a contract change. They are trying very hard to find a new place for me that meets my needs. This is turning out to be not as easy as they hoped. I have been promised that I WILL have work by the end of this contract, but it is frightening.

In the meantime the company I've been contracted to informed my company they wanted to end the contract. No reasons given that my company acceptable, and their reaction was the same as mine: You've gone from "excellent, want to stay permanently" to "go away" in a matter of 4 days??????????? There has been no response to that question.

So that means they are talking about me all the time and I know what they are talking about, mainly because it was happening anyway since I had already initiated it. People are also acting very awkward around me. And they seem to be trying to do things on the list of maybe 5 things I had asked not to be done, like making it so I can see one patient at a time, all day long and today I have to go to this extra building for the 7th time in the last 2 weeks. I'm not even contracted there, and nobody asks, they just tell. That is not how they treat their real employees, and as my boss and I have discussed there is a difference between being a contracted employee and slave. (For example, the corporate person I talked to saw no reason that I should be unhappy about them not having vacation coverage for me).

There is more to the story, I'll tell it someday. For now, just know it's going to be very hard for me for the next few weeks. Hopefully today I'll get the call that says "you've got work!", but there's no promise.

Why is work so complicated? It's not changing contracts I mind. For one thing that's part of my job. For another, I initiated it 2 weeks ago, just wasn't sure until Monday. But leaving with the feeling they are angry is another.

I'm so glad I got my meds adjusted when I did....

1 comment:

Michal Ann said...

I find it very hard to be calm and full of faith when the future is unpredictable. I know I need to deepen my faith that God sees me clearly, knows me intimately and loves me deeply. He is good...all the time.

As you said, it's good that you had your meds adjusted so you can cope better with a very distressing and unfair situation. In a sense, I'm glad that this contract is very obviously a dead end. Can you imagine if you'd accepted a permanent position? Yeah, you say they afford their permanent employees better treatment but if the same bosses have arbitrary standards, it doesn't speak well to their internal compasses. Truly, thank God you're soon outta there!

What's next?? None of us know. That uncertainty bugs and stresses me too! I got head to toe chills today, what I call "the Holy Spirit bumps." I heard about the 11 year old girl with Asperger Syndrome who was lost this week for over four days in alligator infested areas of Florida. A gentleman from her church was awakened by the Lord with clear direction to go find her. He prayed and listened and called...and found her!

Today, her mother stated that her daughter was reciting scripture "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3: 5-6

We can...should...must...live by the same word. The scripture doesn't state that our own "understanding" is the key to trust. We get the same message in which indicates that our efforts to comprehend things contributes to diminishing peace. I've heard that "the peace of God which SURPASSES all understanding" is "crazy peace." I want to keep all these things in my own heart so that I can look forward to the future without fear and worry. "Be anxious for nothing ...."

Philippians 4:6-7 (New King James Version)
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.